"Jealous" is watching!

God is jealous. Did you know that? He's jealous for your time, for your affection, for your commitment, for your devotion.
I have a thought brewing about the sins of the fathers. Exodus 20:5 God calls Himself "jealous", "punishing the children for the sins of their fathers to the third and fourth generations"....ouch. What does that mean, exactly? Is that even fair, or is it simply what happens to us as a result of falling away from God's plan?

As a child, I didn't have my father living with me. It took a lot of time to realize that even though I could BE with my dad like other kids, that he still loved me even though he couldn't BE with me every day. I struggled with strange thoughts in my head about things that never happened in my life, but when I wrote them down in stories found out that some of the stuff that had been happening in my imagination (frightening me to death) was actually REAL stuff that my mom had experienced herself. It turns out that some of the things that had been tormenting me in my dreams/imagination were actually echoes of what she and her sisters had gone through in an abusive home. It was so confusing, because as far as I knew, the things I had experienced in my life were nothing compared to what they had gone through, but for some reason, I FELT what they had learned to cover up in dealing with all this crap.
I had been born into a messed up family, and had automatically inherited a second-hand mess in my mind. They loved me, sure. But there was so much backstabbing, and hurt feelings that we were hardly the 'picture perfect' family so often seen on tv. As I started making close friends, I saw other families that were hardly 'picture perfect' and realized that maybe there's more to this whole thing about a sin-sick world after all.

On one hand, there's the habits that are passed down. The opinions, world views that you grew up with and adopted without even realizing that you had taken on your parent's identity in many ways.
On the other hand, there's God's ways, which we need to learn, and fight to take back. They are GOOD, and they bring LIFE to all who walk in them, but so few are actually WILLING to find out what it really means to walk out this 'other way' because it is so far removed from what the world tells us life is all about. It's hard. It's a struggle. But it's WORTH it. and look at the other side of it, in scripture;
"But I LAVISH my love on those who LOVE me and OBEY my commands, even for a thousand generations." Ex 20:6
So if I fight today to rediscover God's ways in my life, that doesn't just affect me, or my own life, but it will also affect my kids, and my kids' kids, for a THOUSAND generations! So maybe this whole thing of the "punish the children for the sins of the fathers" is actually a gift in some ways, to give us a deeper understanding of where our parents came from, and as they see their children struggling through the same things they did, God offers them a chance to step out of the pain they've been walking with, and to learn to embrace Jesus once again.
I don't know. It's a thought.

good quote and good boots

Today we checked out an evangelist for our Sunday school 'class'. My favourite quote of the morning was:

"Don't complicate discipleship. If you're going to follow Jesus, you're got to GO where He's GOING!" Good stuff, Wendell Calder, good stuff! Steve would be proud of you!

Later on tonight, I bought boots. I am glad to have boots, because my old ones had a hole in the bottom of the sole, so my feet were getting soaked even when it wasn't really wet out. It's cold in Bangor, and I tend to walk around a lot, so having boots is a good thing. I'm looking forward to tomorrow having dry feet.

Oh, and God is sorting out the employment dealie, so those of you who were praying for me, thanks! I'm finding God's been doing great at keeping up with my timelines which is pretty cool! (Not that I would suggest putting timelines on God....Now for 07/07/07.....jk! actually, I don't think anyone who reads this knows what that is....s'okay. I'll just leave you guessing!)

Being like a child...

I just finished 'reading' a non-fiction book on tape called Mosaic by Diane Armstrong. It's about a Holocaust survivor researching her family roots to recapture her Jewish heritage that was lost when her family raised her Catholic to avoid the concentration camps. She recollects the tensions between her parents as both struggled to keep a secret that would keep their family alive one more day. "Long before my brain knew, my heart understood" she says, explaining the lense she saw as a child of the world around her, and the life she lived.
I like that. Maybe that's why Jesus tells us to have faith like a child, because children tend to listen to their hearts first. They haven't learned to turn them off yet. Good word!

old post

here's an old one...your thoughts?- A.

Impatient

It was Edmund Burke who said, “The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.”

So then why am I sitting here at my computer while the world goes to hell?

War College pictures

Here's a few shots...

Beracah, my 406 roomie.
(aka Lil' Dude in a tree!)
She locked me in our room one day when I was sick, and I had to write on a piece of paper so Rudy could let me out of my room to use the bathroom!

Fleur and Cherie at Lynn Valley. Fleur was the only other female Martyr in our squad, and is now starting a War College in Adelaide, Australia. I used to play 'imaginary train adventure' with Cherie's kids using the cushions from their couch when I was babysitting them. She is a fabulous artist, and prayer warrior.

Esther, from 108. Always dignified! This girls' got ZEAL for the Lord! I loved doing street combat with Esther, because she would just tell people about Jesus, and they would listen to her.

Jeni and Regan, at Benny Hinn. Awesome Godly couple. I snuck in the upstairs, and stole my way into the conference past the security guards...very Alias-chic! Jesus helped me find my friends with relatively no trouble, though. (you know the whole needle in a haystack story? Praise the Lord for Regan's easy to recognize backpack!)

Daz, Phil and Regan hamming it up at Benny Hinn....the people behind us tried to steal someone's seat....Imagine stealing some girl's spot at a Benny Hinn conference? Honestly, folks. That's not cool.

first shot at a photo

Here's a picture my niece took of me at my mom's trailer. I love her to bits. I just got some mail from her. She sends me pictures and letters, and makes me things from brownies sometimes. We all laugh in our family because she has a lot of traits like I did growing up, like answering everything "I know" and trying to help by mothering everyone, tucking you in bed if you're sick, reading stories, and being truly concerned for people's well-being. (That's of course, unless they are trying to play with something that's hers!....like I said, she's a lot like me!)

Chauki

I don't know what to say for a change. I'm reading about Booth Tucker's exploits in India. Salvationists there got jailed for singing in the streets. Apparently in India, the word for jail cell is 'chauki'. One of the ladies in the group re-wrote some lyrics to a song, saying "I'll go to chauki, you'll go to chauki, we'll all go to chauki as often as they please" The best part is that when they were released, there was a crowd waiting for them, and a huge procession, all singing at the top of their lungs down the streets! Would you go to chauki for Jesus?

Deaf and Dumb spirits

I've been reading some teachings on the Deaf and Dumb spirit lately. Todd Bently talks about this Deaf and Dumb spirit that's manifesting (showing) itself in people all over North America, especially in the form of mental illnesses such as depression, schizophrenia, bi-polar, Obsessive compulsive disorder, alcoholism, not to mention all the different kinds of eating disorders. The Deaf and Dumb spirit manifests itself in the mind, and goes beyond a hearing disability or muteness. It's pretty easy to see that just under the surface of most North Americans is someone who's dissatisfied with their life, their physical body, or worst of all, their own personality...For a first world nation that seems to have everything under the sun, there's a lot of miserable people out there.
In Bangor, we have a hospital that is known for hyper-medicating people, so that everyone within its walls are reduced to some kind of chemical 'plateau' state emotionally. When I was working at a summer camp, and later on a Youth Hostel, I was amazed as the lists of perscription drugs kids were on, and how the ages certain drugs were being prescribed were getting younger and younger. You take one drug to 'normalize' the chemicals in your brain, and then four others to offset the after effects of the main drug. Your body gets used to this coctail, then a few months down the road, something new comes out, and your doctors fiddle around to find you another miracle coctail to keep you functioning. This is not normal.
Sure, some health issues are a result of people's decision making when they were younger, and other mental 'imbalances' as they call them have to do with our parents' choices while we were in the womb, or genetic 'flukes' but seriously, now. Why is it that we seem to settle for a doctor's diagnosis, resigning ourselves to some kind of predetermined 'condition' rather than walking in the fullness and liberty that God intended in the first place?

"Create in me a CLEAN heart, Oh God, and renew an UPRIGHT spirit within me"
Psalm 51:10

"For God did not give us the spirit of fear, but of POWER, and of Love, and of a SOUND MIND" 2 Tim 1:7

* Overcome Unbelief (prayer, fasting)
* Stay STRONG (Keep the Faith, perservere in prayer)
* Identification and Repentance (spiritual checklist, repenting for unbelief personally, corporately as a church/nation)


Spokane, Washington, (John G. Lake)
Zion, Illinois (Alexander Dowie)

chaos vs order

This week, I spent some time with people my age. The first group was a Christian meeting for university students, basically an on campus Bible study. The other one was a group of friends hanging out to celebrate a friends' birthday.
The first one was a perfect example of order, while the other one was kind of chaotic!
At the campus group, the room was 'set up' for the meeting to take place, then we followed a 'planned agenda' to bring everyone along some kind of spiritual conversation lines. There was an 'ice-breaker' activity, announcements, candy, we talked through a work sheet of scriptures that told us various aspects of discipleship, then prayed together and at the hour mark, left our separate ways. Everyone was very friendly, and welcoming, and it was a nice time.
At the birthday party, we all gathered at a restaurant, coming in our own vehicles, sharing a meal and conversation, and then hung out in front of the restaurant a little, then when getting to the cars, hung out a little while by the cars, too. We laughed together, ate together, froze together, and when we couldn't bear the cold any more, went home, many of us agreeing to get together the next day to do the same thing one more time. There were university students, grad students, a mother, some who work for a living, some who were unemployed (insert my name here!), some drinkers, some abstainers, some vegetarians, some vegans, some meat-lovers, some smokers, some ex-smokers, some chocolate lovers, some nacho sharers, some offering friends a drive home, another offering warm scarves while we shivered in the cold night air...good times, in chaos or in order, I will praise the Lord!

I'm reading Danielle's master's thesis for part of my MMCCXX requirements. It's about Order in Chaos.

"This century has been chock full of well ordered genocides, wars, poverty and general chaos all in a systemic and orderly fashion. So, while the modern world has been crying ‘order’ as the answer to the great problem of chaos, it has not answered well. Indeed, it has left us with all the proper theory but none of the desired outcome."

"If we desire to start things that matter and are about life in it’s fullness, and in order to go after the things that really make life worth living, then I believe we might need to start asking for Chaos to visit our lives, to visit our churches, schools, and society. We might need a little disorder for a new beginning."

SO tonight after dropping Travis off at MMCCXX headquarters for the night, I realized I'd still not returned a DVD we had rented from the weekend, so had to go back to pick it up (the house is on the way to Blockbuster anyway, so I didn't really have to go too far)...then when dropping off the DVD I see this guy walking on the side of the road in the rain and pass him by...ungh moment!....so I turn around and pick him up, and take him to the police station because his car broke down. I think I like to play rescue hero! I love those little God-incidences, don't you?

Apathy...not too tastey to the palate

It's one thing to go 'hard core' in a 'hard core' place. It's another thing to be 'hard core' where everything around you cries "why bother?" Apathy is a huge spiritual stronghold in this city, and I struggle with it over and over again. It's like the Laodiceans from Revelation 3, who God warns He will spit out of His mouth for being lukewarm.

These are the words of the Amen, the faithful and true witness, the ruler of God's creation. I know your deeds, that you are neither cold or hot.
I wish you were either one or the other! So, because you are lukewarm- neither hot nor cold- I am aobut to spit you out of my mouth.
You say 'I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.' But you do not realise that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked.
I counsel you to buy from me gold refined in the fire, so you can become rich; and white clothes to wear, so you can cover your shameful nakedness; and salve to put on your eyes so you can see.
Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest, and repent. Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me.
To him who overcomes, I will give the right to sit with me on my throne, just as I overcame and sat down with my father on his throne. He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches" Rev 3:14-22

Apathy comes from wealth (v17) and being content in what we ourselves can accomplish. The solution is to rely on God more and more every day, which I am learning to do. He calls us to "buy from me gold refined in the fire....and white clothes to wear....and salve to put on your eyes so you can see"(v18). (anyone else notice that this is where the song 'light the fire again' got it's lyrics?)
So to fight off apathy, we need to allow ourselves to go through a spiritual 'fire' so to speak, and learn how to clothe ourselves in righteousness, and learn how to see....(The salve Jesus used to help one man see was his own spit! So we have to be willing to let God spit on us once in a while, too!) So please pray for me in that area. I don't want to fall into the lukewarm pit. I want to be red-hot, on fire, motivated and passionate! I want to KNOW God's heart, and to CRY over the things that break His heart, and GET ANGRY over the things that God gets angry about, and REJOICE over the things that God rejoices over.

"Don't let my love grow cold I'm calling out, Light the Fire again.
I need your discipline I'm calling out, Light the Fire again.
I am here to buy gold refined in the fire,
naked and poor wretched and blind I come,
clothe me in white so I won't be ashamed....
Lord light the fire again!"

I seriously didn't intend this, but it seems that both my blogs since coming to Bangor have had something to do with food, hmm....I wonder whether that's telling of the spiritual climate around here??
My mom always liked to comfort me with food. If I did well, we'd go out for ice cream. If I had a stressful day, we'd head out for donuts and hot chocolate. If we were visiting family, our days would be divided by meal times and cups of tea.

Then I think about how other people's lives revolve around food, too. There's this missionary from Laos whose husband was jailed for preaching the gospel, so her life ever since then has consisted of gathering the children together and walking for half a day to the next town to deliver her husband a meal and then walking back home....otherwise he will starve. They don't seve meals in prison in those countries.

Or the families in Africa who wait to share dirty water, and maybe a cup of rice/day for a whole family....sometimes we forget....Lord help us to remember You and your children especially approaching Thanksgiving. Let's learn how to be truly thankful to YHWH for all the blessings He has given us in this life.

Mannah.....good eats, even in Maine winters!

Been thinking a bit about the Bible and Jesus lately (when do I ever stop? But seriously!) Jesus calls himself the Bread of Life. And the Word of God is like food for the spirit. In the War College we have a different name for devotion times- rations. Your time spent in the Word is your spiritual rations for your day. If you go without, you will gradually get leaner...I'm up for a big fat spiritual diet! Except, somewhere along my thinking of Bible reading as rations, the word ration flipped to 'mannah'. Mannah is what got the Israelites through 40years of desert life, and taught them how to depend on God....hmmm, so reading the Bible will help me through those times of spiritual desert that I find myself in from time to time? SWEET!

There's a saying that gets tossed around here a lot, especially among officers...it's a challenge to preach the gospel "in season and out of season" (translation, even when you're spiritually dry, remember Who it is you're serving, and go for it anyway)....but the cool thing about MANNAH, is that there is no off-season, since it was a God-given miracle sustenance. The Word is life, and to a desert people, the only way to survive. So, I'm off to enjoy some Mannah now. End of thought.

Sweet Honey...

I went to see a concert the other night by Sweet Honey in the Rock....they were amazing! Jesus made it possible for me to go for free (through a friend giving me one of her tickets for the term....generous heart!) All I have to say is these ladies reach out in a very real way to what is happening in today's world. Their music speaks to the heart and the spirit, and not in a soft way, either. One of their songs was directed to heal those caught in addiction, another song reminds us that God is in all and through all, several are calls for change, especially one called "Harbour Me"....simply breathtaking. They recieved a standing ovation before the third song of the night, and not for the song, but for the introduction TO the song which was a cry for Americans (all of us in the 'West', really) to embrace love and life instead of fear and death. I was in and out of tears all night (which, as you know is normal for me!) It was a good night.