still craving connections

Joel and I went to a fair-type gathering this afternoon by one of the churches in Bangor. I had hoped to meet up with a few other pastors in town, and once again make some friends here. Once again, I felt kind of blown off by the other guys. It's hard being a newbie. It wasn't anything that was said or not said.
They shook my hand, they smiled, I could see that Jesus was real to them, but I didn't seem to phase on their people radar at all. I don't know what I was hoping for. For someone to see me. For them to see into me and connect instantly with me.

I hunger for connection. I think we all do. But I need to keep reminding myself that connection at that level only happens once or twice in a lifetime. I think sometimes we put too much weight on a single meeting. I've visited other churches before, and appreciated the different ways they express their devotion to God, but in times where I've been specifically seeking to connect, especially on a deeper spiritual level, I've often left wanting.
I don't doubt the power of God, or the power of prayer, but something about coming into a place only once and expecting some kind of life-transforming quick-fix just isn't going to happen. Maybe it's because I put too much pressure on the pastor as the 'messenger of God' and less on him as a person. Or maybe it's the other way around....I test what is being said and argue it in my head, so that automatically, whatever comes out it won't be enough. It's hard to trust a truth if you've never experienced it in your own life. But just because you haven't experienced it doesn't make it not true.

CS Lewis talks about the body craving what it needs; we crave water and food because we need it to survive. We crave connection, because we were created to be in community.
The thing is, I HAVE experienced true moments with the LORD. I HAVE experienced a community completely sold out to re-learning what it is to follow Christ, going back to the most basic, primary colors of their faith. The difference was time together. Intimacy with another person requires time and effort and attention. Intimacy with God requires the same. If you're going for intimacy, you've got to be willing to put in the time. It also requires humility, and trust.

Note to self: working on the trust thing will probably help make the time thing more enjoyable!

Patience sucks.

Nonsense

I've been feeling in a slump lately, but then I had a chat with Jaime and she reminded me that sometimes a shift in perspective is needed. So, I decided to write out some of the stuff that's been going on this week that was good. This week I....
climbed a mountain
played music on the beach
ate some amazing food (because Laura was here!)
visited with some great friends
got lost on a camp trip
did laundry
lost my bank card
found my bank card
bought presents for my niece and nephew's birthdays
wrote a birthday card on the cardboard roll that the wrapping paper came on
ate lobster
watched the sunset
tried my hand at windsurfing
failed miserably at windsurfing
swam in a lake
got directions from a stranger
cracked open a mussel with a rock
watched a lot of movies
jumped around with a lot of kids
saw four-year-olds get excited about raising money for someone else
made fleece pillows
threw balls at John!
lost my checkbook
found my checkbook
got my back cracked a few times
bought clams from a house along the highway
jammed out with a few teens at the teen centre
took a friend out for lunch
went for a walk down by the river
stalked a turtle
lost my keys
found my keys
lost them again
harrassed some 9-year-olds with classical music!
slept on the floor
got a random present in the mail from my mom
tried out 'winsor pilates'...(not one of my better attempts, by the way!)
called random family members just to let them know I was still breathing
Got to see Tyler and Jerrica and Brianna "praise the Lord"
drew my foot on a piece of paper
played "I spy" and the "alphabet" game in the van

Actually, there's probably more 'stuff' to put on here. But for some reason even writing out the good stuff doesn't seem to touch the junky feeling. It just doesn't make sense. How can someone with so much positive stuff happening around them be feeling so crappy inside? Argh.

Small Towns

There's something I never quite get about small towns.
People move there because they want to be "Where everyone knows your name". It's like a protective safety thing, because everybody knows everybody's business. But for some reason, it seems harder for small town people to trust eachother with their 'stuff'. My cousin, in driving through Maine, felt immediately unwelcome. But people who grew up here never seem to want to leave. What's that all about?

the Jesus CD player

God shows up when His people do stuff in His name.
My cousin got her CD player stolen from her car this week.
When John found out, he immediately said "She can have mine"...no hesitation, whatsoever! I told him she wouldn't take mine, I had already offered, but he said he wouldn't take no for an answer.
So last night after VBS, we were driving John and Barbara home, and they slipped the CD player onto my lap so I could give it to her....and she was floored!
"I don't get it", she said. "I only knew these people for two days, and they do something like this?! Why? I'm totally lost for words"....
I told her that's Jesus.
People who have giving to the people who don't have...that's justice. and Jesus.
I think the actions speak louder than words. They certainly did in this case!
Praise the LORD!

Thursday night we had a movie night at the corps to watch "Firewall". Ashley and I were the only girls who showed up, but it was good times. The boys cooked for us and cleaned the kitchen, too. Ha HA!

Friday night a bunch of us watched Born Into Brothels at the teen center. That thing still makes me cry. Makes you wonder how life would be different, simply by being raised in a different country, or a different social class. The film was shot in 2001. The kids in the movie are the same age as the teens here at the Powerhouse. Real lives. Scary. But then I think about the difference Zana Auntie made in the lives of those ten kids, by being dedicated to loving them, and having faith to see them live for something better than what was passed on to them by their parents. That's what Jesus is all about. Spending all your time and energy on someone else- not simply to give them more 'stuff', but to give them the tools to dream God-sized dreams and live them out.

Now I'm off to cut Joel's hair. Or pass out flyers for VBS.

Happy Birthday Owen, you're 6. HOORAY! Happy Birthday Grandad, you're ancient, and I love you! Happy Birthday, Canada! You're my home, forever! Except when I get to heaven.