Usually I'm happy to have my own space, but lately every time I've been heading to my apartment I've been overcome with this serious depression. Nothing seems to cut it; tv, food, reading, playing guitar. I think of the people in town I'd like to visit and realize I've already spent time with them today, so of course the last thing they'd want is some depressed chick hanging out on their couch...I'm tired of the Enemy trying to steal Joy from the Church. There's this whole thing that as long as we come to the scheduled events, we are 'tied in' to the community of believers. I'm not so sure that's enough any more.
Whatever happened to inviting people over for dinner, and why do I feel so much like I'm putting people out if I want to chill with them? Why does it seem like there always has to be some 'thing' to fill our time with eachother? Have we forgotten what it's like to simply enjoy eachother's company? Are we so afraid of silence that we'd rather fill our lives with noise? And then when I'm hanging out with some people who are offering their friendship, I freeze. junk junk junk.
The worst part of it is I WAS invited over for dinner. I AM invited to peoples' homes who DO care about me and love me, yet I still have these lies going through my head. There's a book called the "Battlefield of the Mind". It's probably the hardest battlefield there is, because you're battling yourself, and your thoughts, and no one can see inside your head, not should they be expected to.
Jesus commands us to take our thoughts captive. Some days are harder than others.
Jesus, thanks for reminding me that we were made for community.