Here's a song I'm working on......


Selfish generation,
Stuffing your mouth with anything that delights;
While children everywhere are starving.
Why must we fulfill our appetites?

What do I see?
What do I hear?
What do I know?
What do I care?


....as you can see it's only at it's beginning stages, but the point is to move from the apathetic "what do I care?" to a call to action by the end.

On a similar note, I just finished watching the Constant Gardener, finally. Challenging stuff. Go see it.

Usually I'm happy to have my own space, but lately every time I've been heading to my apartment I've been overcome with this serious depression. Nothing seems to cut it; tv, food, reading, playing guitar. I think of the people in town I'd like to visit and realize I've already spent time with them today, so of course the last thing they'd want is some depressed chick hanging out on their couch...I'm tired of the Enemy trying to steal Joy from the Church. There's this whole thing that as long as we come to the scheduled events, we are 'tied in' to the community of believers. I'm not so sure that's enough any more.
Whatever happened to inviting people over for dinner, and why do I feel so much like I'm putting people out if I want to chill with them? Why does it seem like there always has to be some 'thing' to fill our time with eachother? Have we forgotten what it's like to simply enjoy eachother's company? Are we so afraid of silence that we'd rather fill our lives with noise? And then when I'm hanging out with some people who are offering their friendship, I freeze. junk junk junk.
The worst part of it is I WAS invited over for dinner. I AM invited to peoples' homes who DO care about me and love me, yet I still have these lies going through my head. There's a book called the "Battlefield of the Mind". It's probably the hardest battlefield there is, because you're battling yourself, and your thoughts, and no one can see inside your head, not should they be expected to.
Jesus commands us to take our thoughts captive. Some days are harder than others.
Jesus, thanks for reminding me that we were made for community.

Networking friendship

So, today I went to this Youth in Transition seminar that was intended to bridge some gaps between different service agencies in the Bangor area.

There's been a few of these kinds of meetings, which is pretty encouraging! I found out about this one thing called the ONWARD program, which helps people get into a degree program who would not normally be able to afford the expenses of college life.

It starts out with all the ONWARD students together, getting to know eachother, and finishes off the first week with a camping trip. It basically becomes a community of support for students who have no support network of their own.

It's good to see organizations working together to form a network of support! Funny thing, though, the main thing the youths were asking for was basically a friend to check up on them! I may not know much about government resources in Maine, but friendship I can definitely do!

Random update post

I've started reading a book called "Faith Works"....it's excellent! Makes me proud to have some Anglican roots in me!

Two more weeks until the road trip to Canada....so excited to see Jenn and Josh get hitched!

My car has oil again, and her bumper is no longer dragging on the pavement. (Praise the Lord for Bud and Ray's Auto shop, who go the extra mile without charging an arm and a leg!)

Travis has no issues, but I do. God's working on me!

Tomorrow is going to be a long day; 8am breakfast
- 10am sunday school
- 11am worship service
- noon covered dish luncheon
- 8pm teen 'sleep'-over at the corps (although I doubt
there's going to be much if any sleep to be had!)
- 10am drive everyone home, try to stay awake on the road
- 2pm Birthday party with my Monday group
- 4pm crash!
(I play a leadership role in everything but the breakfast and lunch-- pray for stamina!)

God bless the Salvation Army! Good Night!

More on Justice in Pakistan...

More of the same, different part of the website. Apparently, kids as young as FOUR years old are trafficked to Packistan and forced to work as
Camel Jockeys. If the boys can't stay awake for the full 18-hour days in the desert sun, they are shocked with electronic volts. The Ansar Burney Trust is working to enforce prosecution of traffickers in Packistan, and was part of opening a boy's home where ex-camel jockeys could get clean food and clothes an education, and eventually be reunited to their home countries. Now, THAT's justice.

Justice in Pakistan

Okay, for all you justice-minded people, check out this site:

www.ansarburney.org

Solitary Confinement

So, I'm hanging out with people, leading 'fellowship' times, but the main time I spend with people has become those times of 'fellowship'....the rest of my time is relatively solitary. Sometimes I try to remember what it was like to live with 300 other people in a single building, or three other people in a single house...God has given me a season of practical solitude, and some days I think I enjoy it more than I should. Other times I hate it. Sometimes it's a struggle to leave my walls and go be social. Maybe that's part of empathizing with hermit-types.

Travis and I went shoe shopping last night.
He splurged on a pair of shoes, and they gave him the military discount! (Funny, being a member of God's Army!)
Today Travis shows up wearing his old shoes with the holes through them....now that's one way to be holy!! (Get it? Hole? Holy? HAHAHAHAHA!!)

Favor for my enemies...

My first ever SuperBowl party in America yesterday....
I was rooting for the SeaHawks, the unpopular choice at our gathering...

I couldn't help but notice all the flags that went up against this team, while other foils by the Steelers went either unnoticed or un-challenged. Do you ever feel like the game has been fixed to your disadvantage? (Whether real or imagined...) What do you do about it? Lash out? Get even?

David's prayer in Psalm 35 shows his strategy- he went to God. He asked God to judge his enemies;

"Fight my enemies, LORD!
Attack my attackers!
Shield me and help me.
Aim your spear at everyone who hunts me down,
but promise to save me.

Let all who want to kill me be disappointed and disgraced.
Chase away and confuse all who plan to harm me.
Send your angel after them and let them be like straw in the wind"(1-5)

David praised God in the midst of persecution -- real stuff, like, his father-in-law chasing after him with a gang of thugs hunting him down with every intention set to kill; not because he had stolen from them, but because he was jealous of God's favor resting on David.

Even in David's great escapes he gives the glory back to God.

"I will celebrate and be joyful BECAUSE YOU, LORD, have saved me.
Every bone in my body will shout:
'No one is like the LORD!'
You protect the helpless from those in power;
you save the poor and needy from those who hurt them.

Liars accuse me of crimes I know nothing about.
They repay evil for good,
and I feel all alone.
When they were sick,
I wore sackcloth and went without food.
I truly prayed for them,
as I would for a friend or a relative.
I was in sorrow and mourned, as I would for my mother." (9-14)

Can you say that? It is one thing to visit sick family and friends, but what about the people you would consider your enemies? What about the person who lied behind your back? Will you still help them when they are in need? What about your neighbor who does everything the opposite of you. What are you doing for them? We are to bless our enemies, not curse them. Who in your life is the hardest to love? If you want God to bless you, try blessing someone else who is hard to love first....then you might begin to understand how God's grace truly operates. (Definition of 'Grace' = unmerited favor- hmm.....)