DayspringofGod

2007-10-18T19:33:00.000-07:00

"You're closer than the mountains that the ancients gazed upon
You're closer than the air I breathe; Much closer than the sun..
Not out there 'somewhere', out of place and out of touch
You're right here, right now, closer than my life"

This is the song that's been playing in my head for the past week and a half, which is beautiful, because my actual walk with the Lord has been feeling pretty distant. Certain relationships have come to a head, and it seems I am walking on thin ice with them.
I've been getting caught up in what the present circumstances look like, and pretty self-involved, throwing lots of pity parties where only I show up. I've been dragging my butt to church/cell meetings, and even though I want to get out of myself and pray, the struggle just to make words form on behalf of someone else is something I've just had no energy to do. And then I get in the mindset of "What's wrong with me that I have no desire to pray for anyone close to me?" or even worse, I get this mind garbage going around back there somewhere that there is no one close to me, so why care about anyone else? I can literally feel myself getting harder and harder, and more and more stubborn, and less and less like the real me.
Then Ian brings this tape to our cell meeting on walls we put up for protection that actually become our prisons, and releasing the 'shout' to make those walls come crashing down. I know there's stuff in there that's for me, but there's something inside me resisting, to the point where I can feel my teeth clenching, and my whole body tensing up. The next week I have some idea of what's coming, so I plant myself right by the door. "What? You looking for a quick escape?" someone in the room jokes....they have no idea how right they are! My soul is hating this teaching so much, that I just lie there on the floor like some wad of old chewing gum someone's been trying to peel off the bottom of their shoe for years, but the stubborn thing just won't budge. The tape finishes, we pray, the food comes out, and I'm ready to skulk away, another week being disappointed and stuck in myself. Then Dan pipes up..."let's pray for eachother" and I'm thinking, 'like I have any energy left to pray for anyone else; I can't even get up some mornings in time for work, let alone drag myself here. I used to love these people, but at the moment I have very few feelings towards anyone at all.' This attitude is not me, and I know it. But I've been ignoring it for so long, I don't even attempt to shut it down. What happened to the warrior-lady I used to know? Where did she go? Who is this other person inside my head? This unfeeling, self-pitying, draining sponge of a girl? What is she doing there? Who let her in? I am so frustrated inside, and yet on the outside I continue smiling and going through the motions. We start praying for me, and I start crying, although my body is still tense. My teeth are clenched, my back is stiff, and my hands are shoved deep into my pockets. I invited them to pray, but everything about my body language is speaking resistance. They continue to pray, and I know the words are true, I find myself tightening up more and more. It's not until I start speaking out the prayers myself that I begin to feel some release. Tears are streaming down my face, yet my voice is cold. But I have a voice, so that is progress. Finally, I get to the point where I start believing the prayers that are being prayed again. It's like this veil of oppressive lies is being lifted off of me and I can see clearly again. God is good, and is bringing me more clarity. Unfortunately, that's as specific I can be in this place at the moment. Such is the process.

2007-09-14T21:07:00.000-07:00

Someone told me I don't blog much up in here anymore.....he's right!

Psalm to remember Hope

2007-08-25T20:41:00.000-07:00

Your eyes; Kind eyes; lovin eyes;
Forgiving, accepting, radient and pure
You know me,
from even before my memory (my memory) of my life begins;
Captur(ing) forgotten moments in eternity
Remind(ing) me of who you created me to be.

So One day, if I've forgotten my way (Your way)
Or have lost the path, I know
that all I have to do is gaze into your eyes
(Your pure and perfect eyes)
To remember all that was forgotten
And cling again to the hope of who you made me to be.

You are the lifter of my head
You are the reminder of my purpose
And for this hope I live my life for you

"I made this just for you!"

2007-07-23T08:45:00.000-07:00

Well, I realize it's been a while venturing into the blogging community, so I'd better put something up here on the upswing of life, since that's what I've been experiencing this summer!
First off, I got a job (!) in my field (!!) teaching music to little kids (!!!)
It may not be working with the poor directly, but it allows me to live in London and make friends at the shelter on my own time, which I prefer, anyway. The circumstances around getting the job were all God-incidences, starting with a phonecall that reminded me what my passions in life truly were, followed by another phonecall to an old acquaintance who just 'happened' to be home that day, followed by a position that just 'happened' to have come available, followed by coffee with a friend of mine before the job interview who just 'happened' to have attended Montessori and was a close family friend with the lady who was interviewing me. Not only that, but I found out after submitting my resume, that a majority of the fundamental philosophies of Montessori music matched what I intended to do, and my skill sets and interests were exactly what my school was looking for for the fall. So, God is in the details, and working through the details, and shocking me that even in my home town, there's a place for yoking ministry to the poor with educating more priviledged children. He's busting out of yet another box I had put Him in, thinking that since His heart is with the poor, that I needed to abandon my music and my schooling altogether. But I know for certain that God has fit me for this season, and that where I am is where I am supposed to be, and it's a good knowing to have! God is Spirit, and His Spirit is Truth, and where the Spirit of the Lord is there is Freedom. I know it, I'm living it, and I'm loving Him! Many blessings, friends!

looking for work...

2007-06-07T15:08:00.001-07:00

I thought writing resumes got easier the older you got and the more work experience you had, but I'm realizing it's just not so. I can't even seem to focus on a certain area to look for work. Lord, help me focus, and stop these mini-pity-parties and just get down to doing what needs to be done. THanx in advance, 'cause I know you're always two-steps ahead.

Happy Do something heroic day!

2007-05-22T06:47:00.000-07:00

Looking for something heroic to do today? check this out for a hundred ideas!
http://www1.salvationarmy.org.uk/uki/www_uki.nsf/vw-dynamic-index/0CD3C6B1386D8001802571B80059654C?Opendocument

Googley-gook on my name

2007-05-14T08:41:00.000-07:00

Okay, so Denise did this thing, and I wanted to try it out...here goes:

Type in "[your name] needs" in the Google search
Aurora needs to refresh, regroup and refocus on its future
THE AURORA [needs a new guitarist
Aurora needs to comply with very stringent regulations on data protection

Type in "[your name] is" in the Google search
Aurora is a distributed shared data (DSD) system based on a standard C++ class library and run-time system
The Aurora is really an oval that covers the north and south magnetic poles
the Howard Johnson Hotel Aurora is ideally situated just 25 minutes from downtown Toronto

Type in "[your name] likes" in the Google search
Aurora likes rices and grains but had been none impressed by risotto
Remember, Aurora likes to hide itself in Internet Explorer. (apparently I'm a virus now!)
Plus, Aurora likes to watch people. (kinda true, but kinda creepy, too!)
Aurora likes to wear make-up, fears nothing and ...(and what? Come on, tell me true!)
Aurora likes learning new languages and exploring other cultures. She enjoys hiking and being in contact with nature. (also true...apparently there are a lot of Aurora's on singles' websites now)

Type in "[your name] wants" in the Google search
Aurora wants to know why phone contract was broken from Daily Herald
Aurora wants to use grants to promote healthy lifestyle from Daily Herald
Aurora Wants You to volunteer
if Aurora wants to be organic, they had better have a couple of thousand acres for those cows to be chewing on. (That one was too funny to leave out!)

Type in "[your name] gets" in the Google search
Aurora gets heavy dose of skepticism. (often true)
Aurora gets the go-ahead.
Aurora B Gets Tousled (huh?)
Aurora gets deal to create Single Cell Machining System (I don't get this one, but it sounds kind of important!)

Type in "[your name] says" in the Google search
Aurora says no to Wal-Mart (Laura would be happy about this one!)
Aurora says:. "I like most of Lackey's books, but this Trilogy is one of her best"
Aurora says:. "for those of you interested in Catholic Church history (I htink I'm some kind of book critic now)
Aurora says my serial number is invalid and some features are disabled

Type in "[your name] loves" in the Google search
Aurora Loves Her Mommy!, 28 years old, Female, Orlando, Florida
aurora love and aurora light to you. Your music is very beautiful, relaxing and soothing, bless you
Aurora loves me Sticker BumperSticker (Bumper) $4.50

Type in "[your name] hates" in the Google search (This one was really hard to find....)
Aurora hates Charlene, because Charlene has had an affair with Aurora’s. husband, Disney. (page 3 of Google search before those two words actually came up together in a sentence)
The military hates the aurora borealis because it messes things up (page 9)
The Aurora [the car], I can't hate on as much. (this was on page 16, and then I gave up trying. Apparently there's not that much hate out there from Auroras in general, which is a good thing, I think!)

Type in "[your name] has" in the Google search
Aurora has shed its unusual lines and adopted a new look recalling the Intrigue (again, I'm thinking the car)
Aurora has agreed to pay FNX a break-fee of C$1.0 million, payable in ... (sure, just let me get that checkbook out...)
Aurora currently has a residential population of 49407
Originally designed for anti-submarine warfare, the Aurora has a full suite of sensors, radar, cameras and detectors (this was further down the list, but I didn't realize I was a Canadian plane, too! sweet!)

OK, that's it. That's me in a nutshell...or maybe just as a nut.

O King! Live forever! ,,,,what a joke!!

2007-05-10T10:08:00.000-07:00

What's with greeting kings with the phrase "O king! Live forever!" in the Bible??!
Everyone knows that people are people and that people die, so what kind of a scam is that? But Every time God speaks in Daniel, or people lift up His name, it is as the'living God, who endures forever'....hmm....interesting....

2 things...

2007-05-10T09:15:00.000-07:00

So, I was checking out CFOT sites (just in the perusing stages, don't jump to any conclusions....Rachael!) And I found out that in New Zealand, the college for officer training is called the Booth College of Mission. And officers are legally recognized as ministers under God, NOT employees of The Salvation Army, and there's this whole thing on the site that says if you're not called by God, than don't bother applying. That's hardcore! I like it!

The other thing, was reading the book of Daniel, and it hit me that this Daniel from the Shadrach Meshach and Abednego caper (trained alongside the guys being tossed into an incinerator for not bowing down to an idol) was the same guy who got tossed into a lions' den without being eaten, was the same guy who had to try to explain God writing some random words on a wall to tell the king's son his days were numbered....this is the guy who talks about seeing God in crazy visions that seem closer to someone's experience of an acid trip.

If it weren't for the obvious touch of God in his real life experience, you might write-off his visions as being a little nuts. But check out the validity of his life prior to these other-worldly daydreams.... He interpreted dreams/visions of kings (Daniel 2:24.., 4:19.., 5:10.. ), He was given responsibility/authority in Babylon under three separate kings (Nebuchadnezzar, Belshazzar, Darius). He was known as someone who was not only disciplined in his physical self (refusing the fatty meats Nebuchudnezzar put in front of him), but in his prayer life and general character as well (Daniel 6:3). Even his accusers found that 'they could find no corruption in him, because he was trustworthy and neither corrupt nor negligent'(Daniel 6:4). His devotion and humility before the LORD brought glory to His name, and brought pagan kings to their knees in worship:
* "The king said to Daniel, 'Surely your God is the God of gods, and the Lord of kings and a revealer of mysteries for you were able to reveal this mystery"Daniel 2:47
* "Nebuchadnezzar then approached the blazing furnace and shouted, 'Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, servants of the Most High God, come out!....Praise be to the God of Shadrach Meshach and Abednego, who has sent his angel and rescued his servants! They trusted in him and defied the kings' command and were willing to give up their lives rather than serve or worship any god except their own God. ...no other god can save in this way" Daniel 3:26,28,29b)
* "He is called Belteshazzar, after the name of my god, and the spirit of the holy gods is in him" Daniel 4:8
* "I know that the spirit of the holy gods is in you, and no mystery is too difficult for you" Daniel 4:9
* "Now I, Nebuchadnezzar, praise and exalt and glorify the King of heaven, because everything he does is right and all his ways are just. And those who walk in pride he is able to humble" Daniel 4:37
* "The queen said...'There is a man in your kingdom who has the spirit of the holy gods in him. In the time of your father he was found to have insight and intelligence and wisdom like that of the gods...This man Daniel, whom the king called Belteshazzar, was found to have a keen mind and knowledge and understanding, and also the ability to interpret dreams, explain riddles and solve difficult problems.'" Daniel 5:12,13
* Belshazzar ...."I have heard that the spirit of the gods is in you and that you have insight, intelligence and outstanding wisdom" Dan 5:14
* "So the king gave the order and they brought Daniel and threw him into the lion's den. The king said to Daniel, 'May your God, whom you serve continually, rescue you" (Dan 6:16)
* "Daniel, servant of the living God, has your God, whom you serve continually, been able to rescue you from the lions?"6:20
* "Then King Darius wrote to all the peoples, nations and men of every language throughout the land: 'May you prosper greatly!
I issue a decree that in every part of my kingdom people must fear and reverence the God of Daniel. For he is the living God and he endures forever; his kingdom will not be destroyed, his dominion will never end. He rescues and he saves; he performs signs and wonders in the heavens and on the earth. He has rescued Daniel from the power of the lions'" 6:25-27

So, maybe, there's a little somethin' somethin' to those outrageous images in the coming chapters that we should pay attention to! hmm....

2007-04-25T13:39:00.000-07:00

I got a puppy. His name's Cosmo. We're starting obedience training with him next Tuesday. He'll be taking classes with his sister, Ebony at Whirl Farms in Arva. That's the biggest news with me these days. He's a chocolate lab/boarder collie mix, and he's a cutie.

Here's the rough-outline for a preach I'm doing tomorrow...much love, friends!

2007-04-21T06:23:00.000-07:00

SPIRIT SIGNS : Has God been trying to get your attention?

o Christian or non-Christian, God speaks and is speaking to us ALL THE TIME!!
o Do you think God might be speaking to you in your life? Trying to get your attention somehow? (2 stories of God getting people’s attention:
§ Samuel- waking in the night, calling you by name
§ - still small voice
§ Moses, Jonah- telling you to do something a little out of the ordinary
§ Joseph, Elijah,- dreams/visions
§ Gideon and the Barley loaf- Other people’s dreams/visions
§ Moses, Peter, Lazarus- miracles
§ Balam- talking animals)

· Why would God want to catch my attention?
o I’m real: To let me know He’s really there (with me)
o I care: To let me know He loves/cares for me
o I know: To tell me something important I need to know (about myself/situations)
o I’ve called YOU: To let me know what He thinks I can do (calling)
o I have the power: To remind me of His role in my life, and His ability to make the impossible possible

· How might God try to get someone’s attention?
o THE WORD OF GOD: scripture or the actual voice of God (‘Samuel’)
o PATTERNS/ REPETITION- trains, a word, a promise
o DREAMS/VISIONS-images, allegories, angelic visitation
o REAL LIFE SITUATIONS/ PEOPLE in your life
o NEW RESPONSIBILITY
o HIS CREATION –still small voice, burning bush, stick/snake, wilted tree
o MIRACLES

· What am I supposed to do about it?
o If you think God’s trying to get your attention, the best thing to do is PAY ATTENTION to what He’s saying, and to RESPOND to Him. Maybe you’ve been having a dream that seems more real than other dreams…If so, God may be trying to get your attention. Maybe God’s been using people or situations in your life to tell you something over and over again that you haven’t been wanting to hear, or didn’t think that something like that could be possible. (Like “Brian, my son, you are so precious to me, and I love you”)
o How has God been trying to get YOUR attention? Maybe you’ve been getting a dream….maybe you’re noticing some patterns in your life that could be God trying to get your attention….Maybe He’s been talking to you in a still small voice….whatever He’s been saying, however He’s been saying it, it’s been God talking to YOU, and He wants you to RESPOND….maybe the first step is telling someone (here, now, …..etc)
o Play song: I’ll Wait- Kumi
o Let’s recap: GOD LOVES YOU, AND HAS AN AMAZING PLAN FOR YOUR LIFE.
§ HE’S ALWAYS SPEAKING TO YOU, AND WANTS YOU TO KNOW HIM/ KNOW HIS LOVE and LIVE IN THAT LOVE
§ BUT GOD’S NOT A BULLY. HE’S WAITING FOR YOU TO INVITE HIM IN. If you haven’t let God into your life, now is the time. (Salvation prayer)
§ The worst thing you can do if God is trying to get your attention is to ignore Him. Yes God loves you, and Yes He will forgive you, but the time is NOW to respond to Him. Don’t wait until it’s too late. Hell is a real place, and if God is talking to you, there’s a reason for it.
o The other thing, to see if God’s trying to get your attention is ask Him, “Jesus, is this you?” (yes/no) – ask/seek/knock

Calling all interpreters of dreams....

2007-04-03T10:12:00.000-07:00

I'm looking for an interpretation for a dream I had. I think it was a warning from God, but am praying for clarity on the whole thing....here it is. Pray before you read it, and take a stab at it. I dare you! (It's scriptural, really. One of the gifts of the Spirit is interpretation of dreams...look it up if you don't believe me)

I was over at a friends' house at some kind of gathering when a storm started up outside their place. They offered me to stay there for the night or until the storm passed, but I was determined to get home anyway. As I pulled onto the road, the rain started coming down in sheets, and it was really hard to see. Then all of a sudden all the power went out on all the cars all around me. There was no light anywhere, and people turned off their engines because of the darkness. I slowed down at first, but didn't shut off my engine. Instead, I continued to weave in and out of stopped cars in the pitch black. The dream left me feeling very anxious and afraid. Your thoughts??

Today's was on Acceptance

2007-03-16T09:17:00.000-07:00

You know the worship song Amazing love?....
"I'm forgiven because you were forsaken
I'm accepted, You were condemned..."

My rations this morning were on being accepted.
I am accepted. I am fully accepted and adopted into God's family.
Not because of anything I have done, or anything I can possibly do, but because of Jesus, and His perfect sacrifice.
I've read these words, sung these words, over and over, but it's not until today, this morning, they hit hard, like a new realization that "Aurora, there's nothing you can do to make Me love you any more. And there's definitely nothing you can do that will make Me love you any less. I love you with an Everlasting love. That means it never goes away, or fades out, or stops. Ever."
So, that's some pretty Good news! Especially today. Especially this moment. I know I am loved. and accepted. And it definitely has nothing to do with me. Praise the Lord!

"A robe of white??"

2007-03-15T13:20:00.000-07:00

I have this towel that was given to me. And it's white. And huge. And soft, and cozy.
One day, I pulled it out of the laundry and found this huge black stain on my white towel. I've been struggling with some sin/flesh issues lately, so finding a stain on my nice shite towel seemed a little prophetic.... (Rev. 4:4 and Rev 7:9 show people worshipping in Heaven wearing white robes- white is often symbolic of purity in the Bible, and we know that in Heaven everything will be brought back into perfection, so there's no stains in that picture....but here on earth, sometimes we struggle and don't live up to our own ideals of where we ought to be by now...)

This is the interpretation that came to me:
God has given each of us the gift of purity, although over time in the world, it's easy for us to get spots on our white garments. Sometimes we don't even know where it came from, or how it got there; impure thoughts, desires, lusts crop up when we least expect them to. How do we fight it? Take it to Jesus. How do we gain victory in our thought life? TAKE your thoughts captive, and MAKE them obedient to Christ. Easier said than done sometimes. In the process, I remember this song:

What can wash away my sin? Nothing but the blood of JESUS.
Oh, precious is the flow, that makes me white as snow!
No other fount I know, nothing but the blood of JESUS.

I also talk to people that will hold me up in prayer and keep me accountable and who I trust. But first I've got to go to Jesus.

2007-02-27T09:35:00.000-08:00

For all you guys who love time-wasters, here's one for you! It's the idiot test....took me five tries to get past 'dumb'. Enjoy!

Where are your priorities?

2007-02-04T07:33:00.000-08:00

I found some interesting facts from peace-action.org:
"We believe...that America has the resources to both protect and provide for its citizens."
As the Pentagon’s budget soars to $400 billion, 17% of American children live in poverty. Basic infrastructure is crumbling, school are using outdated textbooks, and millions of Americans are without basic health insurance. For what the US will spend on the War in Iraq, 26,701,621 children could have attended a year of Head Start, we could have built 1,815,194 additional housing units for the poor, we could have hired 3,493,706 additional public school teachers for one year, and we could have provided 9,772,998 students four-year scholarships at public universities(source – National Priorities Project). We believe that these are priorities that should come before war.

Startling, isn't it?

Week 3 and AHA! all seems to be coming together...

2007-01-18T21:06:00.000-08:00

So, I got hired as a nanny near London. The hours aren't quite full-time, but they'll work, and they'll also give me all my evenings available for another job as well. The same time I was setting up a meeting time with one family, I got a callback from a second family that was interested in having me. Then I opened an email and got a third job offer, although not in town. (Then I emailed out six more resumes for additional hours/evening shifts)
Today I celebrated employment by looking at rooms for rent and apartments in the city, and found two very possible options, then spent some time playing hide & Seek with my niece and nephew, and then off to knee drill at the Centre of Hope, where a couple prayed for me kind of unexpectedly, but it was VERY much welcome. I was just sitting there, and they asked if they could pray over my hands. They prayed, I cried, you get the gist of things!
Knee drills here in London are very soothing for the soul. Dan and Jenn and Josh and the Gillinghams knit together a fine pastoral team, very gentle and meek; the perfect fit for the London crowd here. And their community has already drawn some strong people from other denominations, as well as from within the hostel community.
It's so good to see how God has been blessing their efforts here, and blessing me just by being witness to it all. God is good, ALL THE TIME!
Much love, friends.

Week 2 of the job-hunt...

2007-01-15T20:24:00.000-08:00

Still no good bites....One job fell through, another can't offer me full-time hours, or even reasonable part-time hours, and two others haven't returned my phone calls. Job hunts are frustrating, annoying, and hard. Anyone who says anything otherwise is LYING to you! But, it's interesting looking at the opportunities out there, and imagining yourself in all these different situations. Like....travelling through Canada with a Canadian songwriter and her band and her two kids (SWEET!!) ....or...shopping for some rich kids' dinner in Vancouver giving me time to hang with the 614 crowd during the day (SWEET!!!)....or....slaving over hot coffee pots for minimum wage at Tim Horton's in the wee hours of the morning....(Why not? Unlimited access to free coffee, plus a chance to get to see your 'regulars' wake up every day)....or what about working at a call centre for the Marriott hotel lines while living with my bestest cousin and working out a way to actually play music for a living somewhere down the road (yeah, yeah, that's what I'm talking about!) ....or...fighting for a sub-teaching position somewhere in Southern Ontario to help me secure some legit teaching experience and help me decide for once and for all which age group I like working with the best, and knowing there's a pretty sweet retirement package somewhere down the line for me and my other-half....or....getting my old job back at the shelter and reconnecting with co-workers from ages ago, and getting to connect with women Elaine refers there, and giving them a female connection to the London 614 crowd in the middle of the centre of hope....or TSA training college (yup, that's still an option somewhere in the swirlings of my head)....options, options. I could drown in all these options. Too bad none of them are concrete. Soon, though! I can feel an interview coming on! Then I'll finally be able to say..."They want me! They REALLY REALLY want me!"

New Year in a New place...jobless but not sweating it too much

2006-12-22T13:12:00.000-08:00

Ever feel like you don't fit where you are, but it's supposed to be 'home'? I don't know where I fit right now. I've been praying and prayed for a bunch of times, and I just don't know what I want to do or where I want to be. I'm applying to a bunch of places and getting emails to people in Toronto, London and Sarnia. Each of these places is full of family and friends who love and support me, and right now, that's the only thing that I'm really sure of.
The new year is looking good, though. I am still enjoying the various things I've been able to do over the past two years, and am looking forward to having some renewed clarification from above again. I haven't lost faith, but I have been losing my joy, so am taking some time to sort things out again, and we'll see where God leads from there, assuming I let Him!
My friend Simon was in London this weekend marrying a couple and preaching, and it was really great to reconnect with him. He spoke today on Grace, which was really appropriate, and made me cry in my seat. Some days I think I speak of Grace more than I actually experience it for myself. So, that's kind of where I'm at at the moment. Much love, friends.

2006-12-20T22:51:00.000-08:00

home now.
I had an amazing adventure between my car and a set of railroad tracks...I think the tracks won this time, but my car, she's a survivor! This past week I have:
lived with families of 1, 2, 3, and 7 (well, 6 plus 1 plus me plus 4 before that...tough to explain...let's just say officers with the gift of hospitality have very busy households!)
drank lots of tea
become a mother of four (only 2hours at a time, though!)
learned 2 songs in Kikongo language
helped out with worship in Moncton, NB
got to eat pizza with a bunch of teens and hear about their 'twisted Christmas' stories
danced through two carolling concerts at an old-folks home
taught myself and two girls how to play a new song called "If my people" based off of 2 Chron. 7:14 (same chords as 'Heart and Soul', but more soulful tune!)
sang at a "fire and water" congregation meeting
got a speeding ticket
made my gramma cry (in a good way, I think!...at least I hope)
busted over some train tracks
spent $150 on gas alone
found out my gas line was leaking
went shopping with my grandad
stayed up talking to my cousin until 1am
stayed up talking to my mom until 1am
bought a few more gifts for Christmas
learned a little more about tools
it's been a good week!
much love friends!

Riverview NB

2006-12-16T10:09:00.000-08:00

I am now in Riverview, New Brunswick, and will be for two more days, and then the trip continues into Toronto. I am living with good officer friends, Dave and April MacNeilly, their four girls, and their cadet, Edi Matondo.
Living with four girls is wonderful and crazy and hectic all at once. Not a problem if you have nothing to do and nowhere to be, but once you have something to get ready for that's a whole different story!
I grew up in a very small household of only me and my mom, and my brother who had moved out by the time I was eight years old, so for the most part, it was just me and my mom. This is a whirlwind of many different things for me, and I still have no idea where God is leading me from here. Much love, all.

Craptastic

2006-12-11T08:32:00.000-08:00

I just had to send out a quick note into the blogosphere about 'craptical' gifts. They're something between 'crap' and 'practical'. It's a new word I made up. With Michelle. Gotta go clean my oven before I pack the car. Much love, friends. and happy 'craptical' shopping!

the countdown begins...

2006-12-07T11:30:00.000-08:00

Four more days until I no longer live in Bangor....funny, I don't feel like I'm leaving, though!
Today we held a memorial service for Ken Cassidy. Very informal, just some good-hearted sharing of memories with friends and two of his children, who are amazing individuals, by the way.
Yesterday was our corps Christmas party, and tomorrow I'll be taking some gifts to seniors for Christmas- another ministry I'm suprised to say that I love. One of the first ladies I saw when I went out last week grabbed my arm and asked me if I could come back and visit with her again. Her name is Edith. So many lonely people, and all they want is someone to listen to them, to be a friend. It's really not hard, just sit yourself down in a room and let them tell you their life story. You'll be suprised the things you learn about life and God and yourself in the middle of all that. Much love, friends!

2006-11-30T10:37:00.000-08:00

wow, so much love in the Soup Kitchen.
I had to go out for the afternoon yesterday, after finding out about Ken, and when I came back there were two messages to me from friends in the soup kitchen offering a hug or conversation or whatever I needed. I'm telling you, people who don't spend time with the poor are missing out on some of the biggest generous hearts in the world!

Ken Cassidy

2006-11-29T15:27:00.000-08:00

This morning a friend of mine passed away. I wasn't prepared for it. I thought I had more time with him, and now he's gone. I was bringing him some music to keep him company, but when I got to the room he wasn't there. Yesterday, he was there, in pain, but still cracking jokes as often as people would allow. Today, he is gone. The nurses say he is in a better place, and I know that's true. But still, I would have liked to have spend more meaningful time with him while I had it. So, a tribute to Ken Cassidy.

I will remember you.
Your black and red 'Canada' jacket and tie, that you donned every day for lunch (well, not the tie, but the jacket)
Your half-smoked cigars that you kept in your pocket
Your take home cups of coffee, milk, juice and cookies balanced carefully on your lap as you waited in the lobby for Maurice to drive you back.
Always cracking jokes, right to the very end.
Your understanding of prophecy, and the kindness in people's souls.
Your big bushy beard that took up half your face.
Your heaps and stacks of 'stuff' that you asked the teens to move.
Your love and respect for Chazz and for me,
The way your eyes lit up when you talked about God and Bo Diddly.
This is how I will remember you.

(I know it's not poetry, but it's not meant to be. I'm not in that much of a mood for being artistic at the moment.)

Action vs. Impulse

2006-11-27T10:19:00.000-08:00

The Christmas season has been reminding me how much we are influenced by impulse. There's the magazines and little candies by the registers, the free gifts that come with spending $50 on some random item, the pizza places, the DVD sales, the Starbucks amazing mochas with real whip and yummy red candied bits on top...
you can really put yourself in a financial hole with all these 'great deals'.

I woke up this morning with the words, "I want my people to be a people of Action"...so, what does that mean, exactly? A people of action? A Salvation Army? The Bride of Christ, actually taking up his yoke -his teaching(thanks, Michelle!)- and working together to see people set FREE in Christ...taking care of orphans and widows, and the lonely, and the outcast, and the poor. Becoming a cheerleeder and an advocate, making a difference as only one bearing the name of Christ can make. Keeping steadfast and vigilant on what's happening around us and not lulling ourselves to sleep with 'entertainment' and 'tradition'.

What are the defining characteristics of Impulse-driven and Action-driven people?
Let's look at some examples, and then try to boil it down afterwards.

King David had Bathsheba's husband murdered so he could 'be with' her. (Impulse)Samson kept telling Delilah the secret of his strength because she was purdy. (Impulse) King Herod had to have John the Baptist beheaded because of a promise he made to a manipulative pretty lady. (Impulse) Peter asked Jesus to wash his WHOLE body instead of just his feet. (Sanctified Impulse!) Jael defeated an enemy general with a little patience and a little tent peg through the skull. (ACTION) Esther regained the freedoms of her people through fasting and prayer. (ACTION) Ghandi fought for the poor in India through a series of non-violent demonstrations. (ACTION) Heidi Baker moved to Mozambique to rock little babies in the dirt. (ACTION) Salvationists from all over the world are being called back to their roots of loving the poor and moving in to the neighborhood to bring Jesus there. (serious primitive Salvo ACTION!!)

IMPULSE (def’n): I want to (controlled by desires)- floats through life, looking for short term satisfaction, think mostly of themselves, weird stuff tends to happen to them.

ACTION (def’n): I need to (directed by conviction)- always thinking two steps ahead, looking for long term results, think mostly of others, makes stuff happen, period.

I don't know about you, but I want to be a people of Action.

Charlotte---eh?

2006-11-09T16:50:00.000-08:00

So, I arrive in Charlotte and am greeted by the entire War College!
The past two days have been an amazing refresher. The main ministry goal here in Charlotte is simple...get to know everyone's name in the neighborhood. Besides that, it's all Jesus. The 'community house' where Travis used to live, is this little house with four rooms and a bathroom. There's books, games, cards, beads, string, crayons, the internet, and a tv room with a few movies in it...and these cool little 10-second jesus cubes....I'd probably need to exlain in person, but they're fun. The community house is next to the liquor house, the place where all the adults go to drink. The house is simply a hangout place, from 3:30-6:30ish Monday to Friday, staffed by the two War College students, and Jaime and Travis, depending on their work schedules.
I am still not all that sure of what I'll be doing in this next season of my life, or where I might be doing that, but I am definitely learning a lot about who I am in Christ, and that is a pretty good starting point, for sure. One of the beautiful things about Rob and Heather and the ministry team here in Charlotte, is simply the appreciation of people for who they are, and allowing people to "just be you". After all, that's the best way for God to use you, is when you are comfortable in the skin He gave you. I like that.

MVH

2006-11-07T11:19:00.000-08:00

I got to play at Maine Veteran's Home this morning. One of my cellmates, Roy has been volunteering there for 10 years, and he said this was the first time a friend came with him there. We met a lady who was celebrating her 100th birthday last week, and a few others who were singing along to the familiar songs we were playing.
Roy told a Bible story on flannelgraph (ahh, flannelgraph memories!) and took it around to all the people so they could see the characters.
Still trying to clean up/sort out what's happening in the near future, but for the moment, I'm just looking forward to each day as it comes, and each person I get to spend a little more time with. God's good.

2006-11-06T14:27:00.000-08:00

Saturday a crew of us got together and cleaned out a bus for a friend. (Don't tell me there are no heroes in Bangor! I know three of them, personally!)He even paid us via donation to the Powerhouse Teen center. A literal school bus, sitting in his front yard. Once again, I'm looking at all these possessions, packed away in boxes and bags, unused and taking up space. What do we expect will happen with all this 'stuff'? maybe it's just that I'm contemplating moving again, and trying to figure out what will fit into a car, and what can stay behind for the next person to use when she gets here, and what I actually NEED, really. Who knows.

2006-11-04T08:05:00.000-08:00

As I was walking down the street to the corps this morning, one of the guys from the soup kitchen was walking behind me with his headphones on....a normally quiet guy, he was now chanting in full voice lyrics to the music he was listening to...
"The Bible is Bulls@#$^, The Koran is a lie, The (some other religious book) never fell from the sky..." The lyrics go on to say that all wars were created by religious radicals, and if we just abandoned faith, we could love one another....which is nonsense, because that's exactly what each of these holy books teach, is to love one another. (You know, apart from the whole Jesus thing!~ who also taught us to love one another)

2006-10-28T15:32:00.000-07:00

So, it's official. I will no longer be the youth pastor of Bangor Corps as of sometime in December. I don't know what I'm doing, or where I'm going from here, but God knows, because He knows everything. God's Good like that.

false teachers and a bad brew!

2006-10-26T11:02:00.000-07:00

I'll start with the bad brew, since Michelle already beat me to it! It wasn't really the brew that was bad, more the choice of putting the super-hot metal pot straight from the burner to the counter, putting a huge crack in my counter top! It was hilarious! I had been too long without catching anything on fire, or crashing into something, so it was time, yet again!

And now, for this week's course study question....the question had to do with false teachers, and where we saw false teaching in our community. Here's my thoughts on the subject:

Both Peter and Jude mention two signs of false teaching almost word for word. The first is sexual immorality, and other lusts of the flesh (2 Peter 2:14,18,19, Jude 7)
The second is the rejection of authority and slander of celestial beings (2 Peter 2:9-10, Jude 8), including made-up doctrines and mixing lies in with the truth.

"These men blaspheme in matters they do not understand"(2 Peter 2:12). "Yet these men speak abusively against whatever they do not understand" (Jude 10)
Peter calls these false teachers 'dry springs', while Jude calls them shepherds who feed only themselves...

So there are some pretty obvious telltale signs in false teachers to look out for...the integrity of their personal life, and the glorification of themselves and their work instead of Jesus.

As for sexual immorality, I haven't seen any evidence of that within the corps that I know of. Actually, I think we're doing pretty good on that one.

But what about this other thing about 'slandering celestial beings' and rejection of authority? What might that include, I wonder? The pharisees got mad at Jesus for healing a man on the Sabbath, and we read the story thinking, 'Silly pharisees, can't you see you're talking to JESUS???' But really, how many times are we willing to accept true spiritual healings today? One of the men from our corps has this amazing testimony of kneeling down beside his AA sponsor, inviting Jesus into his heart, and being completely delivered of his addiction to alchohol. Not only does he not drink, he doesn't even WANT a drink. That's a pretty powerful transformation. Praise the LORD!!!

I don't want to get into the arguments for or against the gift of speaking in tongues, or the existence of angels, or the use of prophecy today, because I have seen true and false expressions of all three.

My worry for the Army, is that we have neglected and shut down the Spirit of God on more than one occasion. We've stopped actually expecting God to show up in our midst. Where some people put too much weight on experience and none on discipline, I fear that we place too much weight on discipline and rationality, to the point of shutting out certain elements of the divinity of God. I fear that too often we embrace the security of religious legalism rather than stepping out in the freedom that Christ's life represents.

"Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death. For what the law was powerless to do in that it was weakened by the sinful nature, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful man to bve a sin offering. And so he condemned sin in sinful man, in order that the righteous requirements of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the sinful nature but according to the Spirit" Romans 8:1-5

Paul's letter to me and Bangor

2006-10-23T09:58:00.000-07:00

I'm taking an online course, and one of the discussion questions had to do with Paul's letters, and what his letters to our corps would be. Here's my response:

I like Joyce's comment about wondering whether the churches would have been looking forward to Paul's letters...I have to wonder whether I would be looking forward to Paul's letters myself....maybe he would send me someone I had given up on and turned my back on because they weren't living up to my standards at one time. (Phi 10-12) Or maybe he would remind me that it's actions that speak louder than words and not to get stuck in the rut of witty wordplay and pious manipulation (Titus 1:10-16). He would remind me that I have been foolish, disobedient, deceived and enslaved by all kinds of passions and pleasures to keep me humble, and help me remember what it was like to be without Christ, and what His saving grace looked like for me. (Titus 2:3-7)
He would tell me to stay strong and expect persecution and hardship, because Christ was rejected, and so was Paul (2 Tim 1:15) He would remind me of the foundational truth of the Gospel, that "The LORD knows those who are his" and "everyone who confesses the name of the LORD must turn away from wickedness" (2 Tim 2:19)
He'd even give me lists of what was to look out for in my flock and myself (Gal 5:19-21, 1 Tim 4:1-3, 6:3-5,9,10, 2 Tim 3:1-9, 4:3-4 ) and remind me of how he overcame those things, and how God empowers us to rise above the muck through Holy Spirit (Gal 5:16-18, 22-26, 1 Tim 3:2-13, 5:1,2, 6:1,6-8, 2 Tim 3:10-4:2)
As a corps, He would remind us to welcome eachother, and see eachother, and listen to eachother, rather than spending all our time worrying about ourselves and how we've been wronged. He would remind us to keep moving forward, not keeping to traditions for traditions' sake, but to do whatever was neccessary to reach the people Christ has called us to reach. In the Salvation Army, that would be the drug addicts, the single mothers, the gang members, the lonely, the depressed, the mentally afflicted, etc etc. He would encourage us to be who we were created to be, and to choose to love one another as a family, since that is what we are.

2006-10-16T13:40:00.000-07:00

partly because of a new course I'm working on, partly because a lack of positive things to say, or deep insights to life, partly because of doing stuff for the auction, partly due to weekends away, and partly due to a growing addiction to online games and my pillow!

Today I am $300 in the hole...mostly from becoming lazy and not paying attention to when money was coming in or going out properly.
Yesterday I tried to help clean an apartment, but she didn't want to throw out any of her collected items. She has to sleep on the street, but would rather do that than part with any of her 'things'. What kind of a society have we created where people latch on to stuffed animals and children's car seats over staying in from the cold at night? So frustrating.
I'm not talking a little bit of clutter, here. I'm talking floor to cieling, boxes on boxes, shelves on shelves, and toys on toys of STUFF. I've seen this before. A six-person household in Toronto living in a two-bedroom apartment. The family was going to lose their children because they were hoarding so much stuff. In Vancouver, the same thing. In Bangor, the same thing. Looking at our family's basement, it was the same thing again. What's the deal with possession? Why do we feel the need to keep grasping hold of stuff until the stuff strangles us out of house home and family? Isn't this just the same as gluttony, alchoholism, or drug addiction? There truly IS too much of a good thing.

The biggest thing I think that is lacking in our corps, what I crave, is simply community. The idea of house churches, and living together with other Christians, giving to whoever has a need, the whole Acts 2:42 lifestyle.
I think it's easy to distance ourselves from eachother, to keep our lives sectioned into our little orderly pieces, or hide from eachother. One of the people I feel closest to in my life is my mom. The reason why, is that she's seen me at all hours of the day, in all kinds of moods, and still cheers me on from the sidelines and loves me despite myself.
I think part of the reason injustice exists is because of this whole sectionalizing dehumanizing thing....out of sight, out of mind. But if we are truly living in community, there cannot be injustice, because
It's easy to smile and 'be happy' for one hour a week on a sunday morning, but letting those same people get to know your little ideosynchrocies (big word, and probably not spelled anywhere near right) and get to love other people for their idiosyncraseez (try #2, probably worse than the first!) is a whole different story. When someone preaches a hard word on tithing or sexual immorality, people run from the church because they feel like they've been 'found out' so they keep their distance for a while until new officers come in, who will give them the open arms without the accountability.

SYATP

2006-09-27T05:31:00.000-07:00

See You At the Pole was today. I got to the school the same time as Jerrica pulled up with Cylie and Cory in her car, and hung out in the hallways as kids started showing up. Then we went out to the Flagpole for 7:30am....and were the only ones there. I was completely unprepared to 'lead' the time, so it was really akward, but I think the point was that we showed up....still it frustrates me that yet another chance to connect with other pastors in the city seemed to be an utter failure......so frustrating!! But Praise the LORD, Herbie, Jerrica, Olivia, Alice, Sam and Sam's friend showed up. I brought my guitar, but didn't bring it out. I think that would have helped with all the distractions of other friends walking by, to just get into some worship out there. I mean, I was totally distracted, and it wasn't even my friends or teachers walking by. I feel so often like I'm letting God get boring, even though I know He isn't. .....but they keep showing up....that's what Denise always tells me!....so I must be doing something right.....God knows my heart better than I do.

Power Color!....turned out to be my favorite one too...what a coinky-dink!

2006-09-22T08:32:00.000-07:00

Your Power Color Is Red-Orange

At Your Highest:

You are warm, sensitive, and focused on your personal growth.

At Your Lowest:

You become defensive and critical if you feel attacked.

In Love:

You are loyal - but you demand the respect you deserve.

How You're Attractive:

You are very affectionate and inspire trust.

Your Eternal Question:

"Am I Respected?"

What's Your Power Color?

What Color Red are you?

2006-09-22T08:27:00.000-07:00

You Are Cranberry Red

Peaceful and philosophical, you are almost always at harmony with the world.
You're not very social, but you always enjoy a deep, complex conversation with a friend.
It's possible that you've been disappointed a lot in your life, but you've gotten over those disappointments quickly.
For you, each day is new and glorious. You wake up refreshed and happy, even when things aren't going your way.

What Color Red Are You?

The keys to my heart....today!

2006-09-22T07:01:00.000-07:00

Your Candy Heart Says "First Kiss"

You're a true romantic who brings an innocent hope to each new relationship.
You see the good in every person you date, and you relish each step of falling in love.

Your ideal Valentine's Day date: a romantic dinner your sweetie cooks for you

Your flirting style: friendly and sweet

What turns you off: cynics who don't believe in romance

Why you're hot: you always keep the romance alive

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.

In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved.

You'd like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was insecure and in constant need of reassurance.

Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something that will confine you. You are afraid of marriage.

In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

2006-09-14T10:27:00.000-07:00

God's plan is not that we will be free from suffering, but that even in suffering, we will be free.

stupid me!

2006-09-08T13:30:00.000-07:00

locked my keys in the car today! Stupid me! We were talking about trials in my Friday group, and about the difference between 'suffering' because of the stupid stuff we do (like locking your keys in the car) vs. suffering for Christ.
It's the same as having a hangover. You don't blame God for the headache, because the pain is caused by your own stupidity in drinking exorbitant amounts of alchohol. Suffering for the sake of Christ is standing up for what's right, even when it's not popular.

so much concern and generosity, and yet....

2006-09-06T08:44:00.000-07:00

Yesterday morning I went out for a walk and happened upon a lady I've talked to in the soup kitchen before. We chatted for a few minutes on her porch, and she invited me to come have lunch with her some time, and asked me not to forget her.
A little later on in the day, I was heading out to pick up some donations for our Harvest auction coming up, and came upon one of my other soup kitchen friends, and she was wandering down the road in hysterics, shouting after a van that was heading down the street.
I stopped her, and asked her what had happened, and she said her wheelchair had just been stolen, and she wasn't supposed to be on her knee but she was trying to get ahold of someone to get her a replacement chair until hers was found. A lady who had been on the phone at the time, came down and placed a call in to the police, and waited with us to help sort out the story and let her use the phone to call her worker.
Even in canvassing for donations for our auction, I've only had two outright no's, which is pretty impressive, since there is a considerable number of non-profit organizations in Bangor, and the few individual businesses in the get hit up for freebies/discounts all the time.
Yet, for all this good stuff happening in the city, there's something holding people back. There's a guard up. Judgmentalism. Control. People wanting things done their way or not at all. I find myself sinking into it really easily, lately. A cutting word here, one of those "if I were you..." statements, when no one asked my opinion in the first place, BLECH it's really not attractive.
Oh, and someone keeps knocking on my door at 4:30 in the morning. Next time, I'm thinking of having a few people over, sneak out the back door and start knocking on their van window and see how they like it. grr!

Worship and Justice: Isaiah 58

2006-09-01T07:19:00.000-07:00

Check out this site: ififtyeight.com
A group of teens from the southern US territory are working together to teach others about injustice in their area and the world.

Fighting injustices is more than just a good thing to do, it is our duty as Christians. Jesus calls us to the poor and the oppressed. How does God justify their cause and lift them up, if not for the helping hand of their christian brothers/sisters? Where are the oppressed in your neighborhood? Or do you count yourself as one of them? No matter what you've been through, or what kind of family background you come from, you have something to offer to your community and to the kingdom of God. If you still feel like you're the bottom of the feeding pool of your community, take a look at the global perspective:

75% of the worlds' population (Africa, China, Russia, Packistan, Iran, Iraq) vs. 75% of the worlds' financial resources. (USA, Canada, Australia, England, Japan)

Here in Bangor, you can get two meals a day, no questions asked.
You can apply for food stamps, and have medical coverage, and have your gas paid by the state of Maine. You can get baby diapers to tide you over until your next check comes in, and free bread. There's also a lady in town who's been able to get her hands on a mostly-paid-for motorized wheelchair, even though she can still walk. Even our jails spend money on keeping libraries and weight rooms stocked for their prisoners.

In Uganda children are taken from their families and forced to become soldiers. They watch their parents die in front of them. They are told to kill the farmers, or else they themselves will be killed.
In Thailand the living situation is so bad that families will actually sell their children to men and women who promise to give their daughters and sons paid work....that work being sex with strangers. They have no option to 'quit' or go home, because the generous amount of money their parents received for them immediately becomes the debt they have to pay off.
In Laos the only way to get a meal in prison is if someone in your family brings it to you. If you die, you die. You are a prisoner. Forget about reading material, or using your time 'productively' in a weight room....you need to save your energy and focus on simply staying alive one more day.

This can hardly be considered Just. If you don't know what to do, simply try SOMEthing. SOMEthing is always better than NOthing, yeah? And if that fails, try SOMEthing else. Adjust your strategy. Ask someone's advice. Find out where the need is, and do that. Volunteer at a shelter a hospital, an old folk's home, a call-in hotline. Call someone you think might be lonely. Stop by at someone's house when they're sick. Offer to babysit someone's kid for free, or take them out 'just because'.

Or, here's an idea. Join the "ififtyeight" group. Young people from 16 states and one province are getting together to spread the word and inform the masses about injustices in the world. The first step is to get informed. The second is to spread the word (through posters/pamphlets/presentations). Every month is a different focus. This month is invisible children. Check it out. Get informed. DO SOMETHING!

Living Worship

2006-09-01T07:01:00.000-07:00

A buddy of mine once shared with me a verse he was trying to dig into that year...like, every year, he asks God for a verse to be his focus for that year. SO I figured I'd try one on for size. This year for me, it's John 4:24. "God is spirit, and His worshippers must worship Him in Spirit and in Truth." So, I'm thinking God wants to teach me a little about worship.
Worship is more than the songs we sing on a sunday or a midweek service. Worship is more than saying some nice memorized prayer. This I know, but do I live it?
Worship is life, and life is worship. If the words I speak don't match up to the life I live, than my worship is empty. It's just religion. But if I live out my faith every day, looking for ways to glorify God in every aspect of my life, THAT'S what worship is. This I know, but do I live it?
Worship means to literally "prostrate oneself" or "bow down low"...so, humility is a part of worship. I can't force people to go where I want them to go, or do what I want them to do. (Wouldn't life be so much easier that way? But then who gets to say who's the one who tells everyone else what to do?)
Deb laughed at me the other day because I told her there was a time when I didn't speak up much...as most of you know, I love to have my voice heard. But if all I'm doing with that voice is ranting and raving about how I would do things better, and yet all I do is sit on my butt and criticize the people who are actually doing something, than what good am I? Wouldn't it be much better for me to offer a hand and help out the person in charge by doing some small task for them and lighten their load a little? Yes, I know, but do I live it?

The Exorcisim of Emily Rose The movie perspective of A and A

2006-08-30T21:32:00.001-07:00

so once upon a time Aurora and Alberta watched the Exorcisim of EMily Rose together In Albertas dorm room. Underline dorm room....the weirdness of that...Good thing Alberta has JEsus In her!

Good movie. Asks a lot of questions about faith and demons and such. Then the A team decided to archive the Burr blog to see what were the goings on in HIS head after watching the movie almost a year ago....not because They think he's God or anything, but They do esteem his opinion as there Major Capitano at the corps here in Bangor, especially with the whole kicking-out-demons-business that he does so well.

Yes Alberta adds in a thats hot randomly...It is kind of intense that the girl is the defendent person for the Father, when shes all "I don't know" So Alberta reports of admitting to inkleings of fear caused from the movie. She says that its weird that she had simularities with Emily Rose. (age, school, leaving mom) Crazy she says crazy. But tells that she is glad she has Jesus in her forreal.

Yes, we all know Alberta has Jesus in her, as do Aurora, so they both got JC and ain't 'faraida-no ghosts (theme music, please!)or demons, because greater is Jesus in me than the demons that are in the world. Don't give the devil a foothold, and don't let fear in ever. That's the lesson from Emily Rose and Atrebla and Arorua. End of class.

yea and the Authors of this post is unknown due to mass circulation in blog world, and overwhleming exhaustion of the thought of how many comments will be pouring in!

your mom

2006-08-30T21:32:00.000-07:00

hahaha

What are we doing, Church?

2006-08-23T12:19:00.000-07:00

It seems I don't blog much lately.
But here's a few that have got me thinking lately, for totally different reasons.
Feel free to check them out...at your own risk, or course!

priorities commentary

Belief in Action

Where Are you, LORD?

2006-08-23T07:06:00.000-07:00

Hey....we had a camp out this weekend, but it rained, and everyone was soaked...we still put up the tents, but the girls ended up sleeping in the van....I never thought I'd be one to sell out like that, but it was fun, anyway! There were four girls and four 'leaders', so a small group, and waking up and packing up in the rain wasn't all that fun. We played a game called "urban myth" that was pretty cool. There's a whole stack of cards with crazy factoids on them, and everyone has to vote whether the stories are 'true' or 'myth'. If you vote right, and your marker is on the same category square as the card that was read, you get the card which has a letter on the back. The winner of the game has to spell either "true" or "myth" with the cards they collect, and be the first one to do it. It turned out to be pretty cool!

As for my rations, I've been going through the book of Ezekiel. It seems God is pretty tough on idolatry, much more than we generally give Him credit for. We spend a lot of time on God's love and forgiveness, but not a whole lot on the seriousness of sin, or on living at a holy standard...There's been a lot of words for Bangor corps, about a revival coming AFTER the people return to the LORD and repent, but as for what specifically needs to happen or how, no one seems to have that piece. I think it has to do with seeing eachother as God sees us, and not weighing ourselves against who we think we should be, or what the media tells us we should be.

Major Frank Kirk preached last Sunday here, to send off his son and daughter-in-law to training college. He gave us scripture from 1 Samuel 17:3-11, 16, 52 from the story of David and Goliath, and was preaching on 'a soldier's responsibility'...the end point being that battles aren't won from the hilltops, but in engaging with the enemy. Oh man, what a good point, yeah?

The Philistines and the Isrealites were at war, and for 40 days, they stood on opposite sides of the battlefield while Goliath shouted over taunts at the Isrealites. Nothing happened until one kid stood up and took the challenge of the fight, conquered the giant, and the end of the story shows the entire Isrealite army chasing down the Philistines and plundering their camp. Again, the major point? "Battles aren't won by calling names from the hilltops, but in engaging with the enemy"

oh yeah....that's good stuff!

2006-08-17T07:26:00.000-07:00

Here's a question for you...it might look long-winded, but I'm simply trying to put some thoughts together. First, a story:

Ezekiel was a prophet of God, yeah?
He was basically a regular guy, who heard the voice of God tell him to talk to Israel about how they weren't living up to what God had called them to.
So God gives him this huge master plan, tells him to go to these people and talk to them, and not to care whether they listen or not, but to talk to them anyway.
Then he makes him silent for a long time.

What's the deal?

Why would God tell someone to speak up, and then make it so they have absolutely nothing to say, and spend most of their time shut up in their room tied with ropes?

There seems to be something character-building in solitude that we (or I, at least) don't understand, and don't get. Or at least, I 'get it' (tapping on my noggin) but I don't really 'get it' (in my heart)....I know my perspective is different than God's, but sometimes I get so impatient learning to wait and listen, and in the meantime feel somewhat useless. So, what's your take? Do you get any solitude in your life? If you take joy in solitude, please share! For me it is a discipline that I am struggling with.

2006-08-16T12:54:00.000-07:00

Monday we had a group of 16 of us head out to Peak's Kenny from the Teen Centre. We went to the lake, learned a little Windsurfing, went on a bit of woodsy exploration...good times, and a very long, enjoyable day.

Yesterday after cell I spent some time visiting the Mackays, and realized I hadn't spent much time over there since moving into my own place...I tend to forget these things!

Today, got into a hot-topic discussion with some guys from the soup kitchen. These guys understand much better than some of us churchy-types about the spirit of Christianity.

Tomorrow I'm heading out with Mary's 'Kids of Summer' on their trip to Fort Knox...it's really much nicer to be able to minister as a team, than to feel the weight of every activity at the corps hanging on one person's shoulders! We all have a role to play as the Body of Christ.

2006-08-08T14:20:00.000-07:00

I'm still here. much good God stuff happening. will write more soon....heading to a farewell cookout and must buy cheese! adios!

Sunday...

2006-08-08T13:33:00.000-07:00

So, I'm trying to figure out how to talk about what happened with me on Sunday.
I cried.
I hid in the bathroom until the service was over.
I prayed with some friends (or rather, they prayed for me....I was too busy bawling and snotting over everything)
We fought the lies of the enemy with promises from Scripture.
I got really hot. (Every inch of my body was covered in sweat)
Acacia said it was the Fire of the LORD burning up the chaff.
We ate lunch at 2:30pm.

Where the Spirit of the LORD is, There is freedom!....

Apostles and Ambassadors

2006-08-04T12:37:00.000-07:00

According to Commissioner Phil Needham, all christians "are called to be apostolate"...but what does that mean, exactly?
When we toss around big spiritual lingo, do we know what we're saying?

Definition of an Apostle:
"Someone sent to represent another; in the New Testament, someone who had seen Jesus and been comissioned by Him to teach others about Him"

Main Entry: apos·tle
Pronunciation: &-'pä-s&l
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English, from Anglo-French & Old English; Anglo-French apostle & Old English apostol, both from Late Latin apostolus, from Greek apostolos, from apostellein to send away, from apo- + stellein to send
1 : one sent on a mission: as a : one of an authoritative New Testament group sent out to preach the gospel and made up especially of Christ's 12 original disciples and Paul b : the first prominent Christian missionary to a region or group
2 a : a person who initiates a great moral reform or who first advocates an important belief or system

hmm....sounds a lot like what an ambassador would do...

Main Entry: am·bas·sa·dor
1 : an official envoy; especially : a diplomatic agent of the highest rank accredited to a foreign government or sovereign as the resident representative of his or her own government or sovereign or appointed for a special and often temporary diplomatic assignment
2 a : an authorized representative or messenger b : an unofficial representative

...so, checking a thesaurus, we find a number of words

Entry Word: ambassador
Function: noun
Text: a person sent on a mission to represent another (a beloved entertainer who has often been sent abroad by the president as his country's goodwill ambassador)
Synonyms delegate, emissary, envoy, minister, legate, representative
Related Words agent, attaché, consul, deputy, diplomat, foreign minister, nuncio, procurator, proxy; apostle, evangelist, missionary; deputation, detachment, legation; courier, messenger; mouthpiece, spokesperson

Entry Word: exponent
Function: noun
Text: a person who actively supports or favors a cause
Synonyms advocate, apostle, backer, booster, champion, friend, promoter, proponent, supporter
Related Words loyalist, partisan, stalwart; adherent, cohort, disciple, follower; expounder, interpreter; cheerleader
Near Antonyms enemy, foe, rival; belittler, critic, faultfinder
Antonyms adversary, antagonist, opponent

2006-08-03T08:56:00.000-07:00

I went for a walk last night. Part of the training for the weekend to end Breast Cancer. I checked how my fundraising is going so far, and still not even at $300 yet. That means I still have $1,700 to raise in four weeks. I don't like to be a quitter, but this is sure looking like a possibility.
Maybe I'll walk 60k from here for free. I don't know.

2006-08-02T09:19:00.000-07:00

Thanks for the comments.
And phone calls.

still craving connections

2006-07-22T15:02:00.000-07:00

Joel and I went to a fair-type gathering this afternoon by one of the churches in Bangor. I had hoped to meet up with a few other pastors in town, and once again make some friends here. Once again, I felt kind of blown off by the other guys. It's hard being a newbie. It wasn't anything that was said or not said.
They shook my hand, they smiled, I could see that Jesus was real to them, but I didn't seem to phase on their people radar at all. I don't know what I was hoping for. For someone to see me. For them to see into me and connect instantly with me.

I hunger for connection. I think we all do. But I need to keep reminding myself that connection at that level only happens once or twice in a lifetime. I think sometimes we put too much weight on a single meeting. I've visited other churches before, and appreciated the different ways they express their devotion to God, but in times where I've been specifically seeking to connect, especially on a deeper spiritual level, I've often left wanting.
I don't doubt the power of God, or the power of prayer, but something about coming into a place only once and expecting some kind of life-transforming quick-fix just isn't going to happen. Maybe it's because I put too much pressure on the pastor as the 'messenger of God' and less on him as a person. Or maybe it's the other way around....I test what is being said and argue it in my head, so that automatically, whatever comes out it won't be enough. It's hard to trust a truth if you've never experienced it in your own life. But just because you haven't experienced it doesn't make it not true.

CS Lewis talks about the body craving what it needs; we crave water and food because we need it to survive. We crave connection, because we were created to be in community.
The thing is, I HAVE experienced true moments with the LORD. I HAVE experienced a community completely sold out to re-learning what it is to follow Christ, going back to the most basic, primary colors of their faith. The difference was time together. Intimacy with another person requires time and effort and attention. Intimacy with God requires the same. If you're going for intimacy, you've got to be willing to put in the time. It also requires humility, and trust.

Note to self: working on the trust thing will probably help make the time thing more enjoyable!

2006-07-21T09:12:00.000-07:00

Patience sucks.

Nonsense

2006-07-20T12:04:00.000-07:00

I've been feeling in a slump lately, but then I had a chat with Jaime and she reminded me that sometimes a shift in perspective is needed. So, I decided to write out some of the stuff that's been going on this week that was good. This week I....
climbed a mountain
played music on the beach
ate some amazing food (because Laura was here!)
visited with some great friends
got lost on a camp trip
did laundry
lost my bank card
found my bank card
bought presents for my niece and nephew's birthdays
wrote a birthday card on the cardboard roll that the wrapping paper came on
ate lobster
watched the sunset
tried my hand at windsurfing
failed miserably at windsurfing
swam in a lake
got directions from a stranger
cracked open a mussel with a rock
watched a lot of movies
jumped around with a lot of kids
saw four-year-olds get excited about raising money for someone else
made fleece pillows
threw balls at John!
lost my checkbook
found my checkbook
got my back cracked a few times
bought clams from a house along the highway
jammed out with a few teens at the teen centre
took a friend out for lunch
went for a walk down by the river
stalked a turtle
lost my keys
found my keys
lost them again
harrassed some 9-year-olds with classical music!
slept on the floor
got a random present in the mail from my mom
tried out 'winsor pilates'...(not one of my better attempts, by the way!)
called random family members just to let them know I was still breathing
Got to see Tyler and Jerrica and Brianna "praise the Lord"
drew my foot on a piece of paper
played "I spy" and the "alphabet" game in the van

Actually, there's probably more 'stuff' to put on here. But for some reason even writing out the good stuff doesn't seem to touch the junky feeling. It just doesn't make sense. How can someone with so much positive stuff happening around them be feeling so crappy inside? Argh.

Small Towns

2006-07-16T06:59:00.000-07:00

There's something I never quite get about small towns.
People move there because they want to be "Where everyone knows your name". It's like a protective safety thing, because everybody knows everybody's business. But for some reason, it seems harder for small town people to trust eachother with their 'stuff'. My cousin, in driving through Maine, felt immediately unwelcome. But people who grew up here never seem to want to leave. What's that all about?

the Jesus CD player

2006-07-13T07:16:00.000-07:00

God shows up when His people do stuff in His name.
My cousin got her CD player stolen from her car this week.
When John found out, he immediately said "She can have mine"...no hesitation, whatsoever! I told him she wouldn't take mine, I had already offered, but he said he wouldn't take no for an answer.
So last night after VBS, we were driving John and Barbara home, and they slipped the CD player onto my lap so I could give it to her....and she was floored!
"I don't get it", she said. "I only knew these people for two days, and they do something like this?! Why? I'm totally lost for words"....
I told her that's Jesus.
People who have giving to the people who don't have...that's justice. and Jesus.
I think the actions speak louder than words. They certainly did in this case!
Praise the LORD!

2006-07-03T07:42:00.000-07:00

Thursday night we had a movie night at the corps to watch "Firewall". Ashley and I were the only girls who showed up, but it was good times. The boys cooked for us and cleaned the kitchen, too. Ha HA!

Friday night a bunch of us watched Born Into Brothels at the teen center. That thing still makes me cry. Makes you wonder how life would be different, simply by being raised in a different country, or a different social class. The film was shot in 2001. The kids in the movie are the same age as the teens here at the Powerhouse. Real lives. Scary. But then I think about the difference Zana Auntie made in the lives of those ten kids, by being dedicated to loving them, and having faith to see them live for something better than what was passed on to them by their parents. That's what Jesus is all about. Spending all your time and energy on someone else- not simply to give them more 'stuff', but to give them the tools to dream God-sized dreams and live them out.

Now I'm off to cut Joel's hair. Or pass out flyers for VBS.

Happy Birthday Owen, you're 6. HOORAY! Happy Birthday Grandad, you're ancient, and I love you! Happy Birthday, Canada! You're my home, forever! Except when I get to heaven.

heart desires are more than just flesh.

2006-06-29T10:25:00.000-07:00

How perfect is this? There's a ministry in BANGKOK, THAILAND called NIGHTLIGHTS that ministers to girls exiting the life of sexual exploitation....you think maybe I'm supposed to go there some day? Praise the Lord for people who are dedicated to seeing His word and will accomplished on earth.

http://www.nightlightbangkok.com/

....for those who didn't know, or don't remember, I've been wanting to go to Thailand someday to work with prostituted persons there, and children, and fight for girls' freedom. Street Combat last year with prostitutes was called 'Night Lights'...and now I find a ministry that's already doing all that IN Thailand, carrying the same tag, and doing it all for Jesus! So cool!

BOWLATHON TEAM NAMES

2006-06-23T09:47:00.000-07:00

Thursday was our Bowlathon, and every team came up with a name. I polled the people in the place, and came out with the top two favorite team names. Now it's your turn to place your vote. Here they are (in no particular order):

1) the Canadians
2) the Lemon Party
3) Buffalo Tile
4) the Fuscia Monkeys
5) Center of Attention
6) Stick Men
7) Team Platinum
8) Cheetos
9) Strike Outs
10) Space Cadets

Where did everyone go??

2006-06-21T09:38:00.000-07:00

Mary leaves today for Vancouver. Brandon and Dave will be eating mac&cheese and hotdogs this week!

Doug & Deb go on Vacation today. No one knows where Chris will be between work, his car, and his cell phone. Joel will either be at the family store, at the corps playing Halo, or at the Burr House making ice cream creations, and in everything, as we've come to know, he'll be praying through it all.

Denise leaves for Ontario Friday. Pray for her witness with her family, and for her mom.

Bert, Sean and Erica leave Friday for camp. They'll be playing all summer. Ryan's already there, then off to the military. Pray for them.

Sam and Charlene left already. They're enjoying the Virginia sun, soaking up the rays, and dirty diapers.
As for the rest of us...

Hooray for VBS planning at the corps....and sermon prep.
Drama and Film camp with Charlie this afternoon. You should come!
Party tonight at the corps. We're hanging out with the camp people before they head out. (*cough, cough, Bert and Sean!)
the Bowlathon is tomorrow. People actually gave me money to go bowling! Sweet deal! We're raising moneys for PowerHouse. The Drama and Film club is connected with that, as are our Monday trips (this week we went to Fort Knox, and saw a state park with a private lighthouse and a bell tower that wasn't really a tower at all!), our Sunday camp outs (at Paul Bunyan campground...they have a pool!), and random sleepovers through the summer.
Freedom Fridays continues....come to the corps and pray with me. There are girls being sold into sex slavery younger than your kid sister or my niece. I can't believe that there are actually men out there who would be so twisted to want to pay money to sleep with a child, but it's a huge 'business' out there. Disgusting.
Friday night is Powerhouse, as always. I already told you about that, and most of you already know what it is and come and hang out. Pray for the kids that come, and for Charlie.
Pray for people to come to cell, too. Tuesday nights. my place. Except this week. Burr house. We're calling it bring a friend & food night...it'll be good times! Jesus will be there. He's always there. Have you seen Him yet?

Shameless Plug..

2006-06-15T09:50:00.000-07:00

I am joining the Weekend to End Breast Cancer!
It's a 60km walk over two days, and I'm trying to raise $2000 before September 7th.
If you'd like to support me, simply print out a donation form from www.endcancer.ca. or check out my personal site (once I've figured out how to get to it myself!) Thanks, friends!
...oh, and I preach this Sunday. Pray for me. Believe it or not, I don't really like to talk in public.

Where does all the money go?

2006-06-15T08:53:00.000-07:00

Joel has been blogging on the Army and our spending, which has got me thinking about a bunch of things. Here's what I commented, since it ended up being pretty lengthy:

The Salvation Army pays my paycheck, which pays my rent, and my car, and my groceries, etc etc. I tithe my 10%, and sponsor two children (a very new development, as I'm seriously disorganized when it comes to money). I buy stuff for the corps, and we have an account that covers movie nights or helps out if we want to go bowling or whatnot...this is a change for me, because I grew up in a corps where most kids could afford putting in some cash for youth group activities. Sometimes I'll treat people to coffee or lunch, or something like a birthday present, but then I get comfortable with the corps paying for stuff and figure "maybe this present should be from the teen group, and not from me" but the corps is already paying for me to live here, so what I spend and how I spend it is already coming out of the Army. But that stinks. How can I as a soldier feel comfortable skimming money from the pot for little personal bonuses like birthday presents and lunches that if I were working somewhere else I'd be paying out of pocket? As it is already, I get free lunches here any day I want to because of the soup kitchen. Even for the people we 'help' with our free meals and free gifts, most of them don't even need it. I have a friend who found herself a way to get a free wheelchair, even though she can walk fine on her own....so much waste.

On the other hand, I have a friend who's trying to live on her own now. For the past few years she has been supported by her boyfriend who's house she lives in. Now, as she's trying to find a way to make ends meet on a part-time job, she's being told she doesn't qualify for assistance because she works more than 20 hours a week.

But if she quit working all together, she could get on welfare, have some kind of medical coverage called "Maine-Care", and get food stamps. So, the way the system works here, it's better to sit on your butt and have the government pay your way through life, than try to work to make a living....

I've met so many people over this year who would be totally capable of working simple jobs, but they would be cut off of the government services for doing it. What are we teaching people? Seriously.

For the record, I don't make the corps pay for gifts I give, or lunches I pay for people. The thought has crossed my mind, from time to time, though. (I hope this doesn't sound like a 'look at me, look how great I am' kind of blog, because in all reality, I want to be held accountable for my spending, and I think I should be. As should every soldier, officer, and government official. How much money do YOU spend on yourself versus what you spend on others? Is there any place you could free up more money for the LORD and His work? But in everything you do, do it ALL to the Glory of God.)

Storm the Forts of Darkness...

2006-06-15T07:27:00.000-07:00

Joel started singing Storm the Forts of Darkness this morning, and it brought back memories...good times, good times.

Heather just posted the other day on being a threat...not a threat to people, but a threat to Satan's kingdom. It's a good post. check it out! ("Are You a Threat? June 13, 2006")

oh, and we all went to Great Skates last night, and I busted my thumb. But I got to play CyberQuest with Herbie and Sean and Tyler, and a little bit of Halo with Brandon and Joel, and went around the rink a few times with Sam and Emily, so all in all, I'd say it was a pretty good day!

some days I feel like a bear caught in a bear trap

2006-06-13T06:51:00.000-07:00

It's wierd having people to talk to about your spiritual life, sometimes.
You get so used to using a computer screen or a text message to get your thoughts across, or fighting alone (even though that's a lie because we're never alone, although sometimes we forget to remember that)...that when someone asks you "How ARE you?" you feel like there's this big block to actually speaking out how you are....not that you don't know how you are, but you wonder whether you should actually come out with the truth of your state of mind on any given day....or, you know that they'll want to give you an answer that you don't want to hear, so you'd rather not say anything at all.

So here goes...today I am....fidgety.
I don't know why, yet, but I'll ask Jesus.
If you see me today, ask me if I asked Him, yet.
It'll be like an accountability thing.
I probably won't like it, but maybe after the bajillionth person asks me, maybe we will have gotten somewhere.

The fight in Bangor.

2006-06-12T07:29:00.000-07:00

this is my morning mental conversation:

It's MORNING!!! Wakey wakey, rora.

-No, I don't wanna.

But there's things to do and people to see today.

-So what. I like my bed.

Your car needs a check-up, and you need to pay your phone bill, and clean the house and Denise is already awake and probably needs a ride somewhere, and I thought Clarice would have called by now, and what about your friend Lisa from Curves? Don't you want to see her today and maybe pray with her this time? Oh, and don't forget to pay that ticket of yours, you silly doof, how could you forget it in your bag without mailing it....

-Right. This is why I like my bed.

So you're just not going to deal with anything now? How about one thing...

-FINE!!! one thing. PAY-TIXX. They're supposed to be open already. Phone number, here we go- JUNK. Today they're not open until 2pm. Must be a Maine thing. Now, I have to remember not to forget to call them again

Like how you forgot to call and actually book the party you were planning?

- Yes, don't remind me. I already feel dumb enough as it is. And Mary didn't call back yet, so she still probably doesn't know, and Deb already knows, but....

Maybe if you were more organized like Denise you'd keep your life together

- Now, don't do that. I know what you're doing.

What? What seems to be the problem? Haven't you been wanting to be more like her? More like Deb? More like Heather? More like everyone else you hear about? Seriously, Aurora. What have you actually DONE lately, besides drive people around and sing and eat? What are you actually accomplishing, here, really?

- SHUT UP!! I WILL NOT keep comparing myself to everyone else around me. I WILL NOT keep sitting in the middle of confusing lists of things that need to be done, and trying to live up to the expectations of what I think other people think of me. I know that God has FIT ME for what He's asked of me, and He's called me here for a reason. Satan, GET OUT OF MY HEAD in the name of JESUS CHRIST!!! You are a liar, a thief and a robber, and I will NOT bow to your lies today or any other day.

ahh....I'm melting, I'm melting...

- PTEWWY! (*SPITS* in Comparison's face) and HA! (*STOMPS* on Expectations' head)

And it's only 11am...

Don't stay stuck in the bear trap

2006-06-07T07:32:00.000-07:00

Living in community is not as easy as it seems sometimes. We live in a world that pushes us to be self-sufficient, self-reliant, and self-supporting. Learning to rely on others seems at times like failure, but it shouldn't be. Why hog all the responsibility to one person? Like they're untouchable or something? That's what being the BODY of Christ is, yes/no? PRAYING for eachother, SPENDING TIME with eachother, ENCOURAGING eachother, keeping eachother ACCOUNTABLE...that one gets touchy at times, but it's the only way to keep growing closer, because it's bringing on a new level of closeness and intimacy that is often uncomfortable. But then I think about the story of a bear caught in a bear trap....

A man walks by and notices a bear caught in this huge claw-like trap, and it's tearing into the bears' flesh. The bear is trying desparately to pull and struggle to get free, but is simply making the trap close tighter and tear away more flesh. Pretty soon the bear gives up the struggle because it's easier and much less painful to deal with the steady pain of something wrong rather than making it worse. The man looks at the defeated beast and cries out for it. He knows the only way to release the trap is for the animal to stand on it with all it's weight...the trouble is, will the bear trust the man, or wait defeated for the hunter to finish the job?

Sometimes we get caught up in our own junk, and get tired of struggling a seemingly useless battle, and we give up. Then a Friend comes along, let's call him Jesus, with a way to get free, but we don't want to listen to it, because we're too busy with being hurt and wounded to hear. So He brings along another friend, this time someone more like us, who has been through similar pain, but doesn't seem to be as troubled any more. They show us their scars, proof of their pain, but also proof of their healing, and they tell us about this man Jesus who helped them get free, too. So now we see that healing is possible, and we know the One who will help us get there, but do we go to Him? What do you do?

2006-06-06T14:22:00.000-07:00

Today's been kind of crazy....lots of things going around in my head, most of them good! Just found a bunch of things that had been lost for a few days, making them late (checkbook, an old bill, another old bill payment, some articles and phone numbers I'd been looking for, among other things!)....hmmm....maybe it's time to get organized! But then, where would I be without my chaos to surround me??
No worries.

Sang "IT IS WELL WITH MY SOUL" today. I think it's going to be my theme song for the week.

Obedience and vulnerability

2006-05-30T12:17:00.000-07:00

So, when I looked up the word 'cry', and found a bunch of different purposes for tears...confession, healing, rescue/deliverance, intercession, prophecy and dicipline....can you imagine crying out to God daily? Like, literally crying?? Tears aren't always bad, that's for sure.
What about times where people don't cry? Where they've numbed out all feeling?
Sometimes when you've been hurt the tendency is to harden your heart so you'll never be hurt again...but the only result of hardening your heart is to turn into a cold, numb, arrogant, beligerant dumb-face who steps over other people to get their own way, increasing the number of hurt-hardened people in the world.
I don't want to be a bully, and I don't want to be one who gives in to the mentality that tears are for 'weak' people. Soft, maybe. But weak? NEVER!
Three teens came to the alter this sunday morning in tears and in prayer. Now, that takes courage! There was no invitation to come, no one railing from the pulpit about various sins that would dash their souls to the pit of hell. We were simply worshipping God, and people were moved by the Spirit, and felt His leading to come forward and do business with the LORD. Now THAT'S obedience. Praise the LORD.

"Does the LORD delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices as much as in obeying the voice of the LORD? To OBEY is better than sacrifice, and to heed is better than the fat of rams" 1 Sam 15:22

please comment.

2006-05-25T15:39:00.000-07:00

Here's a question for you....how do you know the difference between carrying someone else's burdens, and dealing with your own?
How do you move from sitting in the muck and emotions of it all, and sifting through all of that to get to the truth of the matter?
When/why do YOU cry?

Confession
"If we confess our sins He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness" 1 John 1:9

Accountability/Healing
"But if you confess to one another and pray for one another, you will be HEALED" James 5:16

Salvation/Rescue
"In my distress I called upon the LORD, and cried to my God: and he did hear my voice out of his temple, and my cry [did enter] into his ears." 2 Sam 22:7

"In my distress I called upon the LORD, and cried unto my God: he heard my voice out of his temple, and my cry came before him, [even] into his ears." Psalm 18:6

Intercession
"And the children of Israel said to Samuel, Cease not to cry unto the LORD our God for us, that he will save us out of the hand of the Philistines." 1 Samuel 7:8

"The eyes of the LORD [are] upon the righteous, and his ears [are open] unto their cry." Psalm 34:15

Prophecy
"The voice said, Cry. And he said, What shall I cry? All men are like grass, and all the goodliness thereof are like the flowers of the field...The grass withers, and the flower falls: but the word of our God shall stand for ever." Isaiah 40:6,8

"So the angel that communed with me said unto me, Cry thou, saying, Thus saith the LORD of hosts; I am jealous for Jerusalem and for Zion with a great jealousy." Zec 1:14

Discipline
"Be merciful unto me, O Lord: for I cry unto thee daily." Psalm 86:3

Youth Councils- part two

2006-05-24T15:19:00.000-07:00

actually, I don't know what else to write. I just had a part one, so I figured I'd better have a part two as well....the Body is good. Spiritual gifts are to build up the Body....let's start using them! Encourage one another. Call one another. Visit one another. Pray for one another. Love one another.
It might look like driving a friend to work when their car breaks down.
It might look like inviting someone over for dinner, or a tv show, or just to hang out.
It might look like sending a funny e-card over the net.
It might look like randomly jumping on someone who's in one of those 'moody-don't-touch-me' slumps.
Or asking them how they're really doing....and waiting until they answer.
That's what we've been up to around here.
I keep realizing how much I need other Christians around me, and it's good. Uncomfortable at times, but a good kind of uncomfortable.
End of sermon!

Youth Councils-part one

2006-05-23T12:42:00.000-07:00

Okay, so anyone who hasn't heard about Youth Councils yet is officially out of the loop.....it was awesome! I thought I would have written on it earlier, but haven't been able to yet. And I'm not sure I'm able to now, either. But if you check out Alberta's blog or Sean's blog or Monsieur Douglas Burr's blog you can get a pretty fair cross-section of the weekend. I'm telling you, the LORD showed up, and it was amazing!
Already, we are seeing signs of the enemy trying to steal kill and destroy what was accomplished this weekend, but the people of Bangor are NOT WILLING to let Satan get the upper hand (Hallelujah!....no, no, it should be HALLELUJAH!! ...that's better.)
There was some serious intercession happening in the morning on Saturday, which I've never really been able to do in a 'normal' worship setting before....always too concerned with what other people are doing, or what they might think of me as I'm doing whatever it is the LORD is trying to get me to do....this time there was no sqashing it, and I had friends in prayer around me who saw that it was good. (Which is always helpful when you're stepping out in something you've never really done before!) The weekend was a real learning experience for me of how much we need the Body (other people who know Jesus) to work together to sort out what He's doing and what our parts are in that.
Saturday night was frustrating for a lot of us, because we didn't allow the Spirit to do what He wanted to do...but Sunday morning there was no stopping Him. God showed up in a very real way, and we did DAMAGE in the enemy's camp...I'm telling you, it was awesome!
We're going to talk through what the LORD was saying on Sunday, so any of you who were there, make sure you SHOW UP on Sunday. We need your perspective, in order to get the best picture of what took place this weekend. Deal? Deal!

Children and Childlikeness

2006-05-15T07:38:00.000-07:00

Joel and Denise come to Bangor today. (Woo hoo!)
Yesterday I learned that Alberta is an amazing cook! We've decided that she should cook more often. Pot roast and squash and mashed potatoes, oh my! (fresh-baked rolls, carrots, gravy and fruit salad, too.)We were so stuffed we went for a walk around her block, and enjoyed the sun a bit before coming back in for peanutbutter brownies and ice cream....so much good food, and good company! I got to try my hand at her mom's favorite computer game, and listen to her dad's military stories, and pet the bunny.
Saturday I went over to the Mackay house and played with Brianna and all the other kids outside....I'd forgotten all the chaos of having a big family, so this weekend was an awesome refresher! Kids are amazing, and I love listening to how they see the world....they grow up way too fast, and somewhere between 6 and 14 lose that spark of wonder for learning and growing. One of my life goals has been to stay childlike forever. (Note that I said childlike and not childish!) Something passed on from my mom that I want to keep. So for those of you who like lists, here's another one:

The TOP 10 benefits of being childlike forever:
10) living in the "now". (an honest sense of wonder and adventure at every one of life's new turns)

9) insatiable optimism and fearlessness.

8) willingness to try new things. (I've always been amazed at how quickly children will pick up new songs, and skills....they see someone else doing it, so they do it...since when did we adults try to make everything so hard?)

7) willingness to forgive.

6) willingness to trust.

5) quest for knowledge. (I bet everyone remembers all those "but why...?" questions!)

4) energy and excitement that never seems to run down. ("again! again!")

3) mountain-moving faith. (God said it. I believe it. Let's live it.)

2) simplicity in thought.(My nephew's a great one for this. When I told him I missed him, he said, "I know." When I asked him how he knew, he said "because I know you, and you like chocolate. Do you want to talk to my mom now?"....what a kid!)

1) simplicity in love, and loving hard. (I've had so many gifts from my niece in my apartment that she made just for me...and they all have a special seat of honor there...except the chocolates, because I ate those!)

I think the last one is the reason Jesus told us to look to the children as our examples of how to live and love. May I be forever childlike. May childlikeness become a contagious desease in the church, that no one can help but to laugh and love and cherish every moment they have with the people around them at any given moment. Amen.

THE CRY 2

2006-05-11T10:30:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I just found out about something that is coming to Ottawa, called THE CRY. It's actually some people that are coming to Ottawa...people like you. And me. It's an opportunity for Christians across Canada to come together and pray for our nation.
July 15th, Parliament Hill....BE THERE!!
This is an opportunity to come together and make a stand to our government as ONE VOICE, and I'm telling you, it's gonna be good! (and it's free.)

Even if all you want to do is check out the crazy "Oh Canada" rap at the end of the promo, or watch the event when it's being webcast, get informed on what's happening and be a part of what God's doing with His church in Canada!
http://www.4mycanada.ca/Cry2/CryDetails.html

Let me introduce you...

2006-05-09T11:51:00.000-07:00

My friend and warrior Clarice came up with the same question that's been nagging me since I moved in to Bangor...."In big cities, there are people standing with signs asking for food or money, but here we don't have that. The only place I can think of here in Bangor is the soup kitchens. I don't know where else to go." So that's what she does. She goes where she knows she is needed, and visits the people she knows need visitors....and you can never leave Clarice without a word of prayer! She will stop you in your tracks in order to pray with you or for you or for some situation that needs a solution. She is a true soldier in the Salvation Army, busting her butt to see people drawn to the LORD.

It's true. The gospel tells us to feed the hungry, to clothe the naked, to be a friend to the lonely...but where are they? Where do you start?

Who do you know who is lonely?
Who do you know who is sick?
Who do you know who is hurting?

You may only think of one person, but that person may be the one person Jesus wants YOU to reach out to that no one else knows exists....So, who are they? Where are they? What can YOU do to help? Start with prayer, then when you know the answer, go ahead and DO IT!!

Asking for direction....

2006-05-09T11:13:00.000-07:00

Life always seems more exciting when you're driving. Maybe it's 'cause you get the idea that you're going somewhere. I know lots of goood times with friends, when we were driving somewhere together. Sometimes we were going somewhere specific, (the beach, a restaurant, the gas station, a conference, a city, home) other times we were going nowhere in particular, or on the way to our specific destination would get lost along the way.

Since coming to Maine, I've needed to have other people in the car in order to get where I needed to be, because otherwise I'd be lost. I'm still needing to learn how to trust their directions, because sometimes it seems a little different than where I thought I was going in the first place, and I fight with them, trying to convince them that my way's better. But then we get there, and I realize that I had no idea where I was heading after all. (ahem, sorry Bert!)

That's the way I am with God sometimes, too. Fighting with Him on the direction my life is going, trying to force my own way, then finally being obedient and realizing my way would've taken me in totally the opposite direction after all! Slowly, I am learning to ask HIS direction instead of pushing for my own way all the time. Maybe someday I'll let Him drive instead of me....you know, "Jesus take the wheeeeel" and all that. After all, He's the one that knows what's coming, not me!

Sunday

2006-05-07T11:33:00.000-07:00

8:00 wake up, roll over, go back to sleep
9:00 wake up again. Tell Bert it's time to get up. Stick my head back under the covers for a few. (Praying for direction for Sunday morning, getting nothing!)
9:15 Get dressed, brush teeth, make breakfast, keep praying, then it comes.
9:50 Drive to corps in time for Sunday School (just barely!)
10:00 Class. We wrote down lies the enemy's been speaking to us, then wrote down words of encouragement and scripture passages for eachother to build us up and help us battle...we found him using the same tactics on most of us....lies saying we were all alone....how can you still be alone in a room full of people? (Satan is so transparent sometimes!)
11:00 Worship. God was there in victory. It was good. Doug spoke on the redpaperclip.blogspot.com (I think that's the addy)....and how the enemy tends to offer us bad trades, but God's in the business of redeeming and reclaiming those bad trades so we can take back what the enemy stole from us. (I couldn't help but hear Xander's voice in my head through that one! "I went to the enemy's camp and took back what he stole from me....he's under my feet, he's under my feet, satan you are under my feet!")
1pm Meeting thingy. The Army wants to see if putting money into advertising campaigns will bring people back to church, so we're getting some moneys to put into that. Brainstorming, etc. Fun Stuff.
3pm (now) Blog.
Later. Go outside, enjoy the sun, call up some people, maybe catch a movie...I have absolutely no idea.

Saturday

2006-05-07T11:21:00.000-07:00

5:45 wake up.
7am grocery run and put laundry in the wash
8am wash lettuce, check blog, call Deb, change laundry over
9:15am go to Curves
10:00am Spiritual Warfare weekend with Doug et al.
11:45am run home to take laundry out of the dryer....still wet.
noon meet Patrick, invite him to join us for the afternoon part
2:30pm head up to put the chapel back in order for sunday
3:00pm Alberta, Clarice and I head over to Acadia Hospital to visit Susan, and find Betty's there too, so we sang together, and prayed together, and enjoyed eachother for the afternoon.
5:00pm made dinner for Bert and me.
7:00pm over to Charlie's for a bonfire
12:30am crash

more Bar Harbor pics

2006-05-06T05:56:00.000-07:00

This is I think my favorite shot from the whole day. I call it 'Solitude'.

Here's me walking on water....
almost!

You can't see from here, but Heidi was standing on less than three inches of rock ledge in this picture...tres riskee!

Here's the three of us on Cadillac mountain...yes, this was still before we realized we were lost (see the oblivious smiles in the picture!!)

And, last but not least, proof that Aurora truly has a "SWEET" ride!

Bar Harbor pics

2006-05-06T05:41:00.000-07:00

Here are the promised Bar Harbor pics! (I had to load each one individually in order for this to work, if anyone's interested....yeah, yeah, boring info.) Me and Heidi doing the beheaded look.

Alberta donning the stolen hoodie. (You're never getting it back, Travis! Seriously, who wears hoodies in the south, anyway?)

Bert and Heidi praising YHWH on a rock

On top of Cadillac mountain....before we realized we were lost!

Post-Script (addendum to Thursday's blog)

2006-05-05T14:54:00.000-07:00

after going home and sulking in front of the tv for an hour or three, got a phone call, actually two. One from my dad to touch base and say 'hi', and one from Alberta, who invited me out for a midnight Denny's adventure. She even drove all the way in town so I could shower first. All I can say is that peanutbutter pie at Denny's is amazing! It is soo luxurious, and sweet, and peanutbuttery, and chocolatey, and whip-creamy, mmmmm I'm tasting it all over again! yah. Good stuffs! Did you know you can eat breakfast all day at Denny's? And in the US, Denny's doesn't cost you $12 a plate like it does in Canada. And I stole Berts' fries. They were better than my homemade ones....but I'm still working on them. They will be most excellent in a few tries! (see? I'm not all doom and gloom. There's always things to be happy about...I just don't always feel the need to share.)

Friday

2006-05-05T14:38:00.000-07:00

Today I:
slept in until 10:30 and still didn't want to wake up. Had a bunch of 614 songs in my head on the walk to work, kind of like a familiar arm around your shoulder...very comforting!

spent 5 more hours organizing the stupid craft closet....it looks beautiful now, but I'm told the beauty will probably not last too long with all the hands that go in there from week to week...(sigh!)...pulled out the "Army of the Lord" cd, and listened to the prayers of my friends and missed them...Lord, bring me to the place where I can join them again, instead of just miss them.

Travis called again...good timing, as always.

Went to Subway with Al before Powerhouse.

Hung out in the parking lot with Chazz and Jess and Al until kids showed up for our teen centre, then read a few encouraging words from friends like you....thank you, by the way!

Still frustrated at situations that I am powerless to do anything about. I can research and pray and love hard, but still feel often times relatively useless. I wonder if this is a common thing in ministry. You see so much potential for excellence, then the enemy comes and tries to steal it away, and we sit back and let him. NO NO NO! THERE WILL BE NO MORE STEALING OF JOY IN THIS PLACE! THERE WILL BE NO MORE STEALING OF LOVE IN THIS PLACE! THE LORD HAS DONE GREAT THINGS FOR US, AND WE ARE GLAD! HE IS THE AUTHOR OF LOVE, AND CREATED US TO HONOR HIM AND BRING GLORY TO HIS NAME AND WE WILL DO IT, BECAUSE WE ARE CALLED AND WE ARE EQUIPPED. Even though we don't always FEEL it, the Lord gives us eyes to see things and hope for things and live for the possibility of the things He has promised, and as we continue to step out in faith, He reminds us "I AM THE LORD, AND I WILL DO IT" so we continue to step forward through the desert, keeping our eyes peeled for the springs of water to gush forth in the midst of the wastelands, and WHEN THEY DO, we rejoice, and run to the water, and are refreshed.

Thursday.

2006-05-04T15:39:00.000-07:00

Couldn't sleep last night. No one specific in my head to pray for (see Doug's blog) just all over uneasyness through the night. Talked with Doug for hours about 'stuff' and realized we both needed prayer and then went home...what's with that? What happened to when someone needs prayer you pray? maybe that's why I couldn't sleep. Living alone is boring.

This morning: Went to Curves. Worked up a sweat, and it felt good. Sometimes you need to sweat in order to feel like you're accomplishing something.

Lunch: Chatted with Gail. She was really sweet today. No turning me 'off' like she liked to do last summer.

Afternoon: pulled apart the craft closet. It hardly seems like glamourous work, but someone needs to do it. The craft closet is currently all over the nursery floor.

Teens: I had planned to go outside but it seemed more people wanted to veg inside, so that's what we did. The corps got a new couch, so everyone was excited and impressed by the extra seating. The boys played Halo with Doug, and the girls made hemp bracelets and played Truth or Dare. It turned out to be a good thing we stuck around because Travis called, and got put on speaker phone and everyone got to say 'hi'.

Now: I am blogging. it seems like that's all I ever do these days. I am frustrated. Frustrated and tired. Frustrated and tired and bored.....time to get up and do something and find people to be with and do something with, but then again, maybe I'll just run away to Sri Lanka....no, I won't. I know there's a reason I'm here, but I can't for the life of me figure out what it is. ARGH. Time to get away from computers and tv screens for a while. I'm gonna go find people and be outside.

Wednesday/Blog 150

2006-05-03T10:09:00.000-07:00

Mary, Charlie and I got to speak to a group of law enforcement officers today about The Salvation Army. I talked about the global army. They were awesome, and very encouraging.
DOWNPOUR didn't happen last night, yet again. Maybe next week. We did foot spas instead. Very nice. My feet are smelling lovely, and are smooth as butter...plus I found out where all Alberta's ticklish spots were, and Michelle's.

This afternoon we're taking the kids to the bog, and the chapel's being painted so there's no band....so, that's what I'm DOING today.

Kid's memory verse this week:
"And you should follow my example just as I follow Christ's" 1 Cor 11:1

(sidebar)

2006-05-02T12:47:00.000-07:00

note to self: stop belittling your experience because it's not as fancy or as 'extreme' or as 'significant' as the next guy. Be yourself. Learn to love the person God created you to be, and if you're not doing what you think you're supposed to be doing, get off your rump and DO IT! ...and don't forget to pay the rent...

Tuesday.

2006-05-02T12:37:00.000-07:00

Today I: got a massage (ohh, man, I forgot how great those can be!)
Enjoyed a hot shower (had three days without hot water last week, so still remembering to thank God for that!)
Went out to lunch with Barbara (a very strong woman of God, and a good friend!)
Went to Wal-Mart to pick up a few last-minute items for my prayer-room
dropped in on my favorite lady at Curves
got groceries
checked email
blogged (blogging?? do you have to write in the present tense when that's what you're doing? does anyone really care?)

Tonight I will: make dinner for Alberta and me.
Go to DOWNPOUR and meet some christian young people from other denominations, (maybe one or two who will be up for WINNING THE WORLD FOR JESUS starting in Bangor Maine...maybe one or two who will simply be good friends and prayer-buddies...or dance partners...I wanna learn how to swing dance some day soon.)
drink tea and read my Bible and hang out in my newly swanky prayer space
sleep

Monday.

2006-05-01T11:01:00.000-07:00

I'm having some trouble posting any more photos at the moment....Bar Harbor pics will be up sometime soon, though.

We had breakfast for lunch in soup kitchen today. I learned that eggs are pretty near impossible to get off an old pan, and that Patty's a pro at retrieving SOS pads from the disposal unit. She's my hero.

Healing service last night was cool! Mary was healed of diabetes! We will continue to thank God for her healing, and to perservere in prayer for Doug and for Bernie.

Much love, friends.

Your Kingdom Come...

2006-05-01T10:09:00.000-07:00

"LORD, we came to you in our distress;
when you disciplined us, we could barely whisper a prayer.
Like a woman ready to give birth wriths and cries in her pain,
SO WERE WE IN YOUR PRESENCE, O LORD.
We were with child, we writhed in pain, but we gave birth only to wind.
WE HAVE NOT BROUGHT SALVATION TO THE EARTH;
We have not given birth to people of the world.
BUT YOUR DEAD WILL LIVE;
their bodies will rise,
you who dwell in the dust,
WAKE UP and SHOUT FOR JOY.
Your dew is like the dew of the morning;
the earth wll give birth to her dead."
Isaiah 26:16-19

"Sing about a FRUITFUL VINYARD
I, the LORD, watch over it;
I water it continually.
I guard it day and night
so that NO ONE may harm it." Isaiah 27:2,3

Pictures from Canada are finally in!

2006-04-28T05:07:00.000-07:00

My first attempt at posting photos...here goes. Pictures from our trip to Canada to see Jenn and Josh get married....I know, it was few months ago now, but I just got the film developed yesterday.

What a welcome to Canada, eh? After overnight driving, being pulled over by a state trooper in some kind of a pick-up, several potty-stops, and a $12.60 toll in NY, this was a welcome view! (Not to mention the plethora of Tim Horton's, and being able to buy gas by the litre again!)The Falls were icy, and we had ice chunks raining down on our faces, but that didn't stop Bert from jumping out of the car to get a closer look!...Even Travis braved the ice in the face while the Canadian (aka me!)stayed in the heated car!
Just a little bit of sillyness, really. We made the guys in the table next to us laugh a little. Bert was being a Wendy's snob, though, and brought in food from 'away'....Subway I think it was. (She's the one taking the picture!)

Thought Tara would appreciate this one! (you can't see it very well because I haven't been able to crop it yet, but we passed through AYER'S Cliff...and got a pitcture to prove it!)

When we finally got to Toronto, we got to visit with Sue Ann...always a joy! (chats until 3am, tea with my grandad, HardRock Cafe lunch, overlooking the circus elephants, adventures for Arnaults' originals, 614 Toronto, dinner with my dad....good fun!)
On the way back to Bangor we stopped to see my cousin, Laura. But sadly, there are no photos of us with her, or getting lost in Montreal...actually, that's probably a good thing! Stay tuned tomorrow, for the adventures of Bert Heidi and Aurora in Bar Harbor!

What are you DOing, Aurora?

2006-04-27T08:20:00.000-07:00

I'm preparing to do a walk in September to support Breast Cancer research along with my two cousins. ALl three of us lost family members to cancer, so it's good to honour our family in this way together, fight for a cause together, and hang out for a few days. I don't have all the hook-ups, so if you want to know more, just check out Kristen or Laura's blogs on the right here.

I'm renovating one of the rooms in my apartment, to turn it into a righteous place of prayer. Bought all the supplies a few days ago, now I just have to get to work putting it all together....before and after photos will be up eventually!

I'm writing songs, I'm reading the Bible. (I've never actually read it from cover to cover, so the challenge is to finish it before the end of the summer....I think I'm at the half-way mark at the moment)

I'm hanging out with people more. In the soup kitchen and at my house. I want to drop in on more people at their homes, so any invites are more than welcome! (plus I love trying other people's cooking!)

I'm learning what it is to submit more.
I'm learning what it is to dream more.
I'm learning what it is to share more.
I'm learning what it is to listen more.
I'm learning what it is to love more.
God is GOOD.

Identity Crisis

2006-04-26T08:42:00.000-07:00

It breaks my heart to see how so many people in North America struggle with their identity. We try constantly to conform to the expectations the world puts on us, our parents, the supermodels, the commercials, the thousands of 'good causes' trying to vie for our money and our time and our empathy, our friends and teachers. Growing up I was constantly told to "get my priorities straight", but at the same time every class I went to seemed to be demanding 120% effort in order to make the grade. A lot of times the results of my efforts didn't seem to match up with the outcome...a project I had sweated over for weeks came back with barely a 60 grade, where a test I hadn't even studied for would come back with a 98. I'd see friends who worked three jobs just to pay for tuition sitting beside students whose parents had paid their way and were wasting their education on parties and social clubs. I'd see completely capable and talented individuals completely miserable because of something someone said about them some time ago. At the same time, I'd see people struggling so hard to do well, and going virtually unnoticed. Sometimes it seemed as if the only way to get noticed was to be utterly and impossibly perfect, or utterly and impossibly horrible. I saw a lot of people snap under the pressure to be perfect, and a lot of people turn to foolishness just to get noticed. I was nearly one of them.

In Vancouver, there is a prayer room where we lift up the Name of the LORD every day. Just as I am one person who has different roles, so the LORD has different names by which He is called. By unwrapping a different aspect of His character, we are gaining a closer perspective of who God is, and it's suprising! I know for me personally, when I prayed to God, I was always praying to the crucified Christ. Christ who died for my sins and the sins of the world, Christ nailed to a cross. But in praying through the different names of the LORD, there were days where I was invited to look at the resurrected Christ, in all His glory and power and strength. Other times, I look to Jesus my Lover, or Jesus the Shepherd, or Jesus the Judge. All of these characteristics encompass who God is and who He has revealed Himself to be, although He is contained by none of them.

The cool thing about praying His Name, is that it reminds me of who I am in HIM as well; If Christ is my Lover, than I am loved. If Christ is my Shepherd, than I am led and protected by his staff. If Christ is my Judge, than I will be judged in fairness and righteousness, because those are also attributes of His character, and if that is not a comfort to me, then I return to Jesus my Lover and remember that He also judges in love. I don't have to try to be perfect, because my God has already made perfect forever those who He is making holy (Hebrews 10:14). All I have to do is listen to what He's asking of me today and remain obedient to what I know in my soul to be right and true as I grow in Him.

Songs of Praise
Isaiah 12

In that day you will say:

"I will PRAISE you, Yahweh!
Although you were angry with me,
your anger has turned away
and you have COMFORTED me.

2 Surely GOD is my SALVATION.
I will TRUST and NOT BE AFRAID.
YAHWEH, the LORD is my STRENGTH and my song;
He has become MY SALVATION!"

3 With JOY you will draw water from the
WELLS of SALVATION.

4 In that day you will say:

"Give THANKS to the LORD,
CALL ON HIS NAME!
MAKE KNOWN AMONG THE NATIONS WHAT HE HAS DONE
AND PROCLAIM THAT HIS NAME IS EXALTED!"
5 SING to the LORD,
for he has done GLORIOUS things;
let this be known to ALL THE WORLD!

6 SHOUT aloud and SING FOR JOY PEOPLE OF ZION,
for great is the HOLY ONE of Israel among you!

Caper.

2006-04-21T12:04:00.000-07:00

Sandwich Caper was a success! We sold a whole bunch of sandwiches, dropped a few on the floor (which we ate....we never sell dirty goods!) I was on tv a few times, and had newscasters following my car as we did drop offs to a few hungry businesses...(anyone who has ever driven with me knows that having a tv crew following me on the road is probably not the best idea, but we had no mishaps anyway!) Alberta and Emily slept over and we had mad-crazy fun watching games and playing movies....or, PLAYING games and WATCHING movies....looks like I'm needing some sleep after all! Early mornings and late nights do a number on the mind workings!
It also looks as if I'll be adding a new kitty to my family of one soon, so I hope Denise likes cats, too. Gotta keep this short, and try to fit a nap in before Powerhouse tonight. Later, friends! Much Love.

2006-04-19T08:08:00.000-07:00

My mom is flying back to Canada as I type. My fridge is stocked, I have new shoes that won't cut into my feet and give me insanely huge blisters, I now have FOUR chairs for my table, and spices to cook food with.....and a coffee maker....and Tim Horton's coffee (is there any other kind? No, I didn't think so! Honestly, Tim Horton's is the best!) It was so good having her here, especially seeing how my new corps family welcomed her and opened up to her. The people here have so much love to give, it's pretty amazing. I just keep hearing this verse buzzing around in my head, "Don't stop meeting together as some are in the habit of doing, but ENCOURAGE one another, BUILDING EACHOTHER up in the faith..." or something along those lines...I can't find the right wording right now, but if anyone wants to take a stab at it, you're more than welcome!

"I Know"

2006-04-14T07:59:00.000-07:00

I like to argue. I always have. I've always thought I 'knew' all the answers, and was frustrated when people wouldn't tell me I was right, or wouldn't listen to my precious jewels of insight.
When I was a kid, and my mom tried to tell me something, I'd always interrupt with an emphatic "I know." If my brother tried to tell me how to sweep the floor, explaining it over and over again, I'd sit there nodding, "I know. You told me already yesterday." But I think the main thing of that was that although I may have theoretically known how to sweep a floor properly in my head, or known that if you run around in the grass barefoot it's possible you might step on a bee and get stung, that didn't stop me from doing the thing I wanted when I wanted how I wanted.
The thing is, arguing your own way and saying things like "I know" can go ignored for a little while if you're a kid, or if you have something that's incredibly important to say. But I often fall into the trap of arguing just for arguments' sake. That's not a good thing. Learn to pick your battles, Aurora....yes, some precious jewels of wisdom maybe I should take to heart once in a while!
My mom's visiting for Easter. (Totally loving the late night chats and tea and overall niceness of living with another person again, if only for three days!)I got an eyebrow piercing. (It hurt. Heidi held my hand. Bert laughed.)Enough about me. Time to celebrate Jesus.

2006-04-12T06:44:00.000-07:00

I just finished reading through the book of Hosea....all about God's people having an adulterous heart, and His response to them...to be husband to his adulterous bride despite all her faults...."I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her"...to lead her back in a place where she will remember her first love.
That's where I am....the desert.
That's what I am...the adultress.
That's who I am....His beloved bride!

No Fences

2006-04-09T05:36:00.000-07:00

Saturday I went to hike a mountain in Monson. It was definitely worthy of Danielle, so the next time she comes to Maine I'll have to take her there. It's about a three-and-a-half hour hike with two summits and a pond, full of rocks and trees, and all sorts of other stuff. Actually, about half of the trail is climbing rock, but I'm told this still only counts as a 'hike' and is nowhere near what actual rock climbing is....still, when you're on the top of the summit with no fences to stop you from falling, it's a little disturbing/breathtaking. Mainers seem to trust their people more than Ontarians or British Columbians...when it comes to nature. I forgot how much I loved being in the woods with friends....and how much I had become dependant on fences in my life.
All the trails I've ever been on in Canada have huge fenced off areas laid out that have been deemed 'dangerous', or if you go to Lynn Valley, you'll find a bridge who's sides come up to your armpits, so there's no way you can fall into the ravine unless you were trying really hard. In Maine, it's nothing like that. You have trees marked in the woods showing the best way up, and one or two iron rods embedded into the rock to help you get over the most dangerous parts....interesting.
I know for some people the Ten Commandments seem like a huge barrier to living their lives, but I like to think of them as fences...markers that point out where the dangerous slopes are in life. Some people crash into the fences, trying to see what's on the other side, other people leap over them and get hurt really bad for their stupidity....other people lean over the fences to pull out the people who jumped over and got hurt and now want to come back to the safe side. Which kind of people are you?

2006-04-05T09:02:00.000-07:00

I'm learning Sacred Dance with Deb. It's fun.
Travis is going to be a new Yorker in a sketch for Sunday. It's hilarious.

random life

2006-04-04T14:15:00.000-07:00

Today it snowed a little. And rained a little. It was more like a wet slushy rain-snow-glob kind of day. A good day to be inside....very much so! Saw a few good movies lately; V for Vendetta, and Medea's Family Reunion....totally different, totally excellent movies.
Saturday was a super-long day, and suprisingly interesting...we had a leadership conference in New Hampshire, which meant 5;30am departure (if you've read my last blog, you'd know that wasn't a big deal for me!)...Alberta slept over at my place, and I harrassed Mary all day about helium balloons...I don't think she was very impressed.
I was going to go look at kittens last night, but my brother suggested I get something more simple to care for -like a plant- first. Wise words, wise words. So I'm officially pet-less for a while. God is good.